it has been a while

as topic
it has been a while
i did not update this blog
it has been a while
i did not miss you
meet you
see you
obsessed with you

ever since i love you
like you
crush on you...
i will shiver, scare, nervous and heart beating fast
every time i call you text you see you

it has been a while
i did not know how have you been doing
until that day
finally you said
okay let's go out together for lunch
after times i called you

with you, from McDonald to Carrefour
from 3pm until 7pm
first eye i see you
after the while that we have not been meeting
i will still excited
happy
and smile deep in my heart

it makes me more sure of
yes i love you
so much and a lot
even i know we are impossible
even you don't give me a damn about it
even you don't care

you may not remember every single moment we been together
you may not feel the same way as i do every single time i meet
you may not care about my every single phone call

yet,
it is just so automatic
i keep on loving you

i won't care how much i spend on you for whatever reason while you won't care how caring i am being to you
i won't care how crazy i can be when i am with you while you won't care how many calls i can make to you in all these time
i won't care how people say bad things about you while you don't care how protective i will be to you
i won't care how may times you lie on me and joke about me in front of your friend while you won't care how hurt can i be when i know all these

i just won't care

all because i love you

these days we have been re-connecting and meeting each other
not always
but at least much more compared to what we were before
seriously frankly honestly
i am perfectly glad to have these moment back
even though we may be with others hanging out together most of the time

i can be so happy if you just simply reply my text with a word 'ok'
or even not a positive answer
i can smile all day long if you just simply return my call after i called you especially i just called you once on that day
i can be on top of the world when you call me at the first place just simply for asking me out

do you know all that?

but
every time i call you sounds impatient
every time i date you sounds refusing
why are you being so hard to me?

if you wish i can delete you from my mind
i would if i could

hey,
i wanted to tell you every thing,
ALL,
all about what i feel towards you,
but situation is pushing me not to
killing me deep inside
torturing me all these while

you know,
I TRIED FIGHTING IT,
BUT I CAN'T
I THINK I AM SERIOUSLY FALLEN FOR YOU


your brother had went abroad to Germany for study.
Gosh! it's Germany!!! not Belgium that you told me before (as Belgium is happy enough for me)
i just don't know why,ever since i have a huge crush on the US , AI and Germany artists,
and it so happen that you have some connection with those countries...i will always relate you with those.
the crush feeling on those artists is killing me but
ONLY YOU can heal that for me.

even Bukit Tinggi and Cameron Highlands that it just look so familiar to Germany for me, there are some connection with you as well.....

apparently you spread to the whole school that i am crushing on you
and i know why
because you just trying to show off as i am ex-head prefect
but i don't mind

whatever you do, i can take it
whatever harsh things you say, i can endure it
whatever you care, i will care
if anybody ask me
how long this will last
i don't know
i have not idea at all
what i just know
whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

but
sometimes it just seems so hard
this life not always what it seems

just wonder.......

since everything is happening so coincidentally,

would you really meant for me?

ARE YOU?