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Sunday, September 29, 2013

Letter to myself, at 30.

September 22, 2013 at 7:55pm
Dear future C.K.Lew,

Hope your initial is still the same as your 24-self. You should be 30 year-old right now.
In case you wonder how this came about, you have just written a letter to your past self at 17, while 24, so you thought it’d be good to let your future self know how you were doing back then, in case you forgot.

Remember your dilemma about staying or leaving the UK?
You just came back from UK with the visa that still running.
You had a huge dilemma, as usual and wonder if you have made the right choice, and ever.
I hope my decision right now had led you to somewhere you wanna be.

Remember you were yearning to live overseas?
You have spent a year with your visa working as a newscaster, and then you went back to called to the English Bar with the intention to stay and look for job.
Somehow you about to manage it but you wanted to come home to settle your pupilage first.
Your aim is to complete it a.s.a.p. so that you can concentrate on achieving your dream.
You got a plan, go back to the UK with one month left visa with the hope that the earlier job is still there.
I hope you are able to make it and living your dream now.

Remember your pupillage in Malaysia?
You were doing your Malaysian pupillage now and going to have an invaluable experience which you never thought you’d get.
You thought you’d get into big civil firm but ironically your plan didn’t let you.
Then you got into a criminal firm which does most drug trafficking cases by Iranian, while you were trying hard to forget your crush.
You anticipated to have drug trafficking, murder, criminal breach of trust cases around waiting.
You got a good pupil master, he really trained you like a real lawyer. He expects you to know everything about every case you are involved in, literally, inside out, and expect to be asked at anytime. And figure out all the legal issues for him and he will just do the checking.
More interesting, he wanted you to focus and be expert on a new law which no one ever tested – SOSMA 2012.
He planned to fly you to Sabah together with him to handle the “Pilipino invaded Lahad Datu” case.
You started to feel lucky – who would get this kind of invaluable and incredible experience in only the pupillage.
I hope you still know what I am talking about.
I hope this will do you a lot of good.


Remember you let someone comes into your life and turns your life around?
You had this huge crush on this person you met when you were at the end of your 23 and you still can’t get pass that to date.
It has been almost a year. The person wasn’t right for you but still you feel like there’s a knife stickin’ out of your back.
I hope by that time, this didn’t kill and has made you a better person, whether you will able to be with this Iranian.
Or the Canadian who made you confused.
At least all of you are now keeping in touch.

Remember your list of things to do?
You never used to have one. Not even New Year resolution.
But the Iranian changed you so much.
I hope by that time, you will hit the gym and become built enough. You will swim, learnt martial arts, parkour and piano.
I hope you are still keeping this passion going.

Remember you wanted to see the world?
You thought life isn’t about money. You wanted to remind yourself what life is.
You thought backpacking is kinda cool. You wanted to experience real life.
You though life is full of surprises. You wanted to live like you’re dying.
I hope you would have done it by then.

When you were 24, there were so many uncertainties.
You had no idea where you belong and where you will fit in this world.
You tried to follow the flow but you didn’t want to settle for less.
You tried broadcasting, wanted to become a flight attendant, but also wanted to live overseas and practise law.

Just so you know, you have only two options so far:
One, provided the job earlier in UK will still be there, you will finish your pupillage in Malaysia a.s.a.p. and go back with the visa left and take it from there.
Or, keep staying in Malaysia, practicing law, and try and get newscaster as part-time. Aim for L.L.M. or M.B.A., American Bar, Psychology course to make myself more valuable and migrate overseas when I’m financially available. And your aim is still vague, USA, UK or Canada?

I hope all these have came out crystal clear by then, and you will figure out your path.
I hope plan will pan out as you planned.
I hope someone would have came and became your everything, and you have started living for someone else.
I hope you are having your picket fences life, with your family and teaching your kids how to play baseball.
I hope you have started to sense you’re slowly becoming someone else.
I hope the things that would have been lost on you are now clear as bell.
I hope the best year of your life is somewhere near.
I hope you are proud of who you are, and haven’t change that for anyone.
I hope you have learnt your lesson, do not fall in love too easily, do not get emotionally attached too much.
I hope you have realized the family is always the best remedy.

You’re 30.
You have already tripped by so many hurdles. I hope you have gained more knowledge and more mature.
I know there’ll be more tornadoes, volcanoes and hurricanes in life waiting ahead. I hope you have learnt the way to tackle it eventually.
Dilemma sometimes hits. I hope you have found a way around it. I hope you have learnt to start telling friends, you don’t need any more analysis or judgment of your plan. You don't need any more opinion or comment. You can manage it. If they really are that care for you, a simple supportive affirmation is good enough. It suffices.
If ever I am taking the road not taken, I hope that would just make you better and stronger.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.
I can't be sure but I hope I am on the right track.
I could be changing you by writing this today.
You are the result of what I decide to do.
Life could be better. I hope you are better than I am now.

I wish you are doing something you always hope to do - inspire others' life with your own.

Remember you were finding yourself at 24?
In case you haven’t noticed, you were doing not-so-good at the moment you were writing this.
You have wind up lost.
I hope this is the best thing could have happened.
Because when you lose your way, that’s when you find yourself, they said.

I guess I will just see you in the mirror, when you’re a grown man and telling me - “It’s all good.”

Best Regards,
C.K. Lew

Letter to me, at 17.

September 22, 2013 at 4:56pm
Dear Lew Cho Kang,

If this ever made its way back to you, in time, when you are 17, read this.
It’s you, at 24 year-old.

7 years had passed.
Look under your bed, there’s something that no one knows you hid.

You wouldn’t know you are now commonly known as C.K.
You wouldn’t know your initial is gonna be C.K. Lew.
You wouldn’t know at times you’ll get confused with your name in sequence, in different places you are in – Lew Cho Kang or Cho Kang Lew.

I know it’s tough, you are having a crush on your best friend.
I know you really like that person, and it doesn’t seem fair why that is happening to you.
I know you got no one to tell.
I know pain like that is rare but real.
I know it hurts so much.
I know you wonder if you will be able to survive.

I know the exam you are having is not easy.
I know you are struggling and hope it will be gone soon.
I know if you do not make it through, your mom will kill you dead.
I know you wonder if you ever gonna pull through that.

I know you are aspired to read law.
I know you are having dilemma to transfer school or not.
I know you can never utter an English sentence with your really terrible English level.
I know you are worried that you are not able to pull it off.
I know you wonder what your future is gonna hold.

All I can say is, don’t worry. I know at 17 it’s hard to see past these.
You will get over all those.
Oh no, about your crush, on second thought, you will never. But don’t worry, the hurt will not be there.
You will survive and you will see you’re still around to write this letter to me.

At 18, you have already gotten your driving licence short after your 17th birthday. You will be doing your national service in East Malaysia where you have never been before, as well as first exposure to legal field by doing internship in a law firm. Your crush changes from this best friend to another best friend.

At 19, you will become the Head Prefect, leading 2000 plus students in your school. You will have an encounter of embarrasement in B.O.S.S. room. You will be suffering through the STPM but trust me, you will squeak by and be fine. You will start crushing on your junior(s). You will be interviewing live on television with your broken English. But one thing significance will happen, you will have a sudden crush on USA and then start picking up English. Your pet, Rocky dies.

At 20, you will get a local university offer to do International Forestry but as usual, after your huge dilema, you turn it down and decide to start reading law. Somehow you will fall in love with Germany as well.

At 21, you will start working part time as telemarketer, tutor and somehow became a radio person at radio station 988 – your first time experience of your voice going on air, nevertheless live. I wish I can go back in time and tell you, at the junction of somewhere near the OUG vegetarian restaurant, remember always stop completely, don't just tap the break. But too bad I can't and you will have a road accident.

At 22, you will be going to UK and get your law degree. This life changing event happens and that’s when your overseas plan really starts. But your crush becomes international, you gonna meet a French who you really like.

At 23, you will be doing the Bar which you will never expect you would. You will face one of the biggest challenges in life ever, even before the start of the course.
You will fall, really hard, and wonder when that’s gonna end.
You will start seeing and experiencing new things in life.
You will meet a person you will never be able to forget thus far.
You will let that person comes and turns your life around.
You will be interested in Iran so much.

And here, at 24, you will officially become a newscaster at Astro Radio, your first job in life.
You will get close to some high school friends that you never thought you’d ever see again.
Your best friends are still around, they are still called 3+3, driving and following their own dreams.          
You will be meeting some fantastically kind strangers in the UK.
You will start getting to travel, associate with travelers and get inspired by them.
You will understand some philosophies in life.
You will quit the broadcaster job and called to the English Bar.
You will be having a huge dilemma of whether to come home.
You will finally choose to come home first but working towards alternative to move out.
You will choose to do things people usually don't.
You will then start a pupillage in Malaysia with experience you will never thought you'd get.

Things sometimes do not turn out right.
Life will sometimes knock you down.

Don’t be too confident.
Don’t be too naïve.
Don’t be too skeptical.
Don't second guess yourself too much.

Have plan but do not be rigid.
Life does come and surprises you.
Anticipate and deal with it. You can never speculate whatever ahead.
Just like you'll never know you'd be interested in broadcasting now when you're 17.

When you are having an argument, just assume you’re wrong and your mom is right.
When you are feeling to give it up, just linger on and hold on tight.
When you are thinking nothing turns out right, take a deep breath and take the left.
When you are doubting yourself, follow your instinct with intuition and inner voice.
When you are falling down so hard, shed some tears, tap your shoulder and tell yourself it will be alright.

Even now you will be still doubting everything you do now. You will be thinking if you have made the right choice.
You will still be drowning with the Iranian you met at the end of your 23.
You will meet another Canadian crush and you will start getting confused.
You will make new friends.
You will start finding yourself.

But now you are only 17, I understand you got so much going.
I wish you'd study Persian, or other language.
I wish you'd take a piano class.
I wish you wouldn’t worry and let it be.



The pain is real, but life goes on.
All you gotta do is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.

The life will bring you where you ought to be. Someday, someone or something gonna lead you there.
He got a plan for you.
Have a little faith and you'll see.

Yours sincerely,
C.K. Lew