Pure sharing

Just sharing, no special thoughts:

Not every 'Sorry' deserves an 'It's Alright'.
不是每一句 ‘对不起’，都可以换来‘没关系’。
Not every Sorry can has a Never Mind as return.

相见好，同住难。

不要说我颓废，我从来没有振作过。

And, I just found out the 秋月 from 988, who I knew when I had my temp job at 988 before I came to UK, is a 河婆人 too!!!
LOL

It is 4.30am in the morning I have not yet sleep and chatting with friends on Skype for no any reasons....LOL

Addition: 【出生在89年的话】尴尬的年份，赶不上80后也及不到90后，刚上小学就金融风暴，小学毕业又911，准备中考就来了个非典(H1N1)，高考又来个四川大地震，好不容易上了大学却突然一个金融海啸加甲流！当了十几年教育改革的白老鼠 ，终于准备告别校园，迎接社会，你却告诉我大学毕业那年2012世界末日！wow

My friend shared this (from 127 Hours movie):
Don't give up. There is no force on earth more powerful than the will to live.
Nothing can't be done unless you give up.

时间能冲走多少朋友?

在Facebook上看到了这一篇文章：

时间能冲走多少朋友?

by 愛、文章 on Friday, February 11, 2011 at 2:25pm

时间长了，不去联系，感情真的会变淡…
我始终很相信这句话！
有些人，总是会慢慢的淡出你的世界，慢慢的在你的记忆里模糊…
因为时间，因为距离，因为不联系…
朋友说，她的手机成了一个闹钟，电话是接不到的，短信只是一个月偶尔的收到…这也是大多数人的现状！
FB上，清一色的手机挂着，我隐身着，你看不见，你隐身着，我亦看不见，很多人宁愿找些陌生人或者不熟悉的人聊天，也不愿意和以前的好朋友聊天。
不知道聊什么，也不知道从何聊起…时间长了，渐渐的，疏远了，陌生了…
虽然曾经彼此之间很熟悉，但是现在却多了一层隔阂，FB上见面只剩下一个简单的“最近好吗？”“恩，还好，就那样”，没有下文了…

很多时候都是开着FB，看着那么多的朋友在线，却只会对着屏幕发呆，因为不知道说什么…
多长时间没和朋友们发短信了？多长时间没和朋友们打电话了？又多长时间没约上几个好友出来聚聚了？

偶尔发条短信息，也是逢年过节的时候，问候一下，祝福一下。

是什么？让大家越来越疏远了。
是什么？让大家越来越淡漠了？
是什么？让曾经彼此之间很要好的朋友，如今即使见了面也没有什么话说了…

时间、距离、不联系…是感情最可怕的敌人！
时间久了，感情会变淡。距离长了，感情会疏远！这是真真切切的，你我不可逆转的…

还记得曾经的好友吗？
他们现在还好吗？这些年来，过得顺畅吗？
工作怎样了？找到另一半了吗？
改变成什么样子了？还有着以前那些爱好吗？
还是像以前那样喜欢这喜欢那吗？
对于他的这些，你都知道吗？
这一切，只怕已经离你很远了吧！
看到这篇帖子的朋友，你是否也有这样的状况呢？
那么，拿起你的手机，想谁，就和谁发短信，告诉他你想他。
你不告诉他你在想他，他永远也不会知道…
别让曾经一个个的好朋友，随着年月的流逝而一个个的渐行远去，等到心灰意冷的时候，却发现身边早已没有人来倾听你的委屈…
朋友们，请记得长和身边的朋友联系，无论多忙，一个月最起码也要发几条短信。 希望大家的感情天长地久。也希望我的好朋友们感情永远不会变淡！

Spring is coming!!!

WOW today is a SUNNY day!!!!

Now it is already 4.30pm and the sky supposed to be turning dark at 3.30pm all these while but today, now, the sun is still shining!!!

What's more exciting is, the sun is really shining in my room!!!
First time ever the sun light comes into my room so much!!!
The sun is so bright although it is already 4.30pm!!!

But I know out there it is still cold, but at least it is 8 degree celcius now compared to the temperature before like average between -4 to 2!!!

Also, it is much better with the brightly sun out there which we experienced SUPER strong wind days, rainy days back to back and the best we could get is only cloudy days!!!

I am still feeling excited for that. Haha. I never thought of I can become so excited for seeing the sunlight especially when I was back home in Malaysia. Haha.

Besides, I walking on the street two days ago which was a rainy day, anyway, the point is, I saw the grass become greener and most exciting is, FLOWERS START to GROW!!!

Spring is around the corner!!!

Everything will turns out right for you Lew Cho Kang!!!=)


First time ever I get such a bright sun light shine into my room and it is 4.30pm!!!

Today - FOD with all is about You

Unexpectedly, I volunteered myself to help out for the Festival of Diversity, Malaysia Night for Cardiff University that ended few minutes ago.

This is the second time I have to wear formal ever since last time's Leadership Conference.

I don't know what got into me and I volunteered myself and feel excited about it. Although I considering the decision, but I did feel excited somehow.

Maybe because I knew you were coming....

Expectedly, I met you. I was working and you came as a guest. I know you came because of he asked you (which I knew you first and introduce you to him and I thought he was my best friend, maybe it is still now or what I don't know.)

I did not talk to you. I had been avoiding you.
He saw me and call my name not long after you guys came and finish taking the buffet's food and you were just beside him. He said, :'CK, XXX' tells me that you were here. Yeah I know. I just say Hi, thats all.

I didn't know what to react what to do. The whole night I was just so blur only because I was keep looking for you spotting you but don't dare to talk to you and I wanna you to see me but don't want to talk to you.

You took pictures with him, with them.
You went to after party with him, with them.

I wanted to go, so much, because of you but I didn't, because of you.
I don't know how to react in front of you and don't want to see you are close with him, with them.

I didn't know what were you thinking, were you feeling as awkward as I was all the time, or you just didn't bother?

When you just came, we met, I just say Hi.
When I was talking to people on the 'Tourism Malaysia' booth which where I was assigned to (and I can't believe what I was doing - promoting Malaysia!!!), I saw you was nearby me with them, don't know if you see me.
When the booth is empty and they probably deliberately purposely brought you there and tell you something about Malaysia and even him asked me to explain Malaysia to you but I pretend I was busy and didn't hear that which obviously awkward as there were only me you and them.
When intermission I walked down from hall and you came up we met and pretend we didn't see each other.
When also in intermission, you were talking to them and I went to the gang and pretend didn't see you so didn't talk to you even passed behind of you before the show start and we were ignoring each other although he saw me getting out behind you.
When after the event you were talking to the gang and I was pretending to busy socializing with others friends which it seems not successful as I totally didn't know what I was doing just because I was keeping my eyes on you every moment I can and hopefully you see me but I still don't want to talk to you, you even took a picture for me and my friend.
When you guys were settling the taxi to get to the after party, I kept finding an excuse to talk to people around you to make sure I appear in front of you but don't want to talk to you, even I was standing just right beside you.
When you guys decided to walk to the club and I still insisted that I am not going although people keep on asking me to go, we were in the gang but we didn't say anything.
My friend asked me:' CK why you so boring one' and I told I wanted to go but just not this time, this day, this moment and he said "I know you are gay.' and you looked at him but don't know what you were thinking in your mind for that second before my friend said he was joking.

We just have too much of awkward moment and maybe we are starting to get use to it.

At the end, I walked back to my room, alone, with the cool breeze, lonely street, just to avoid you.

You know what, how much I wish I could go to the after party and appear around you, how much I wish I can take pictures with you, how much I wish we are having this because we are a couple....

Even before I went to the event for help out at 3pm, I just had a chat with my friend and yeah we talked about me and you too.
I wonder what were you thinking all these while.
I wonder what were you having in your mind all the awkward moment we had today.

I wonder if you felt the same way as I feel all these while, all the time, today and before.

We can't keep on being like that but I don't know how.
I am stuck.

Now, I am sitting alone in front of my computer writing this right after I came back from the event without even changing and you went to the after party with them.

I found out again I love you.

That's today.

Ranting

Yesterday is long night.

It starts with a very happy drinking session to farewell my friend and turns one of my friend got drunk and puke on himself and all over the floor and we have to clean up the mess.

And the worse part, he was going to sleeps in my room!

Please, really, I was not angry, I was P-I-S-S-E-D O-F-F!!!

After carrying him back to my house with few friends, he locked himself inside the toilet and keep on saying give him sometimes he can't pee. I am sure he slept and sat inside the toilet which I found it was totally disgusting because I know what's my house's toilet conditions is!!!

I went to wash my clothes and shower and when I went back to my room, he appeared out of all sudden sleeping in my room. Luckily he knows how to take his dirty jeans off and did not climb on my bed. Yeah, that's the only bright side. He apologized since the first moment he got drunk, from my friend's house to my house.

Well, maybe it is totally fine with whites with whatever my friend did but please, I am not. I am Asian and I believe I am extra ordinary hygiene freak. I can't handle that dirty stuff and dirty person in my room, I can't take it and I saw puke'e residue on my carpet! UGH!!!

Well, he is still feeling bad and sorry and tag few of us on Facebook to say sorry.
Thats what he wrote and the comments.

Wong Jenn Woei:
I feel very SORRY for the trouble that I cause yst nite to ALL OF U and I really thanks and appreciate a lot carrying me b Cheah Kitt Seong,ChoKang Lew,Josiah Lim,Jh 峻慷,Logananth Gunasagaram and all of u. I FEEL really REALLY BAD NOW =(
4 hours ago · Like · · Remove Tag

Alexandre Guerreau : don't worry, it's ok...
2 hours ago · Like · 1 person

Connie 晓霜 Lau : u were drunk?
about an hour ago · Like

Derrick Lee : needless to say la...he was drunk terribly somemore,i guess!
about an hour ago · Like

Yap Yl : o.O tats wat u did?
about an hour ago · Like

ChoKang Lew : er.well,i am over it. BUT please don't wake up in the morning and playing DOTA with your underwear in my room...please..
38 minutes ago · Like · 1 person

Logananth Gunasagaram : hahaha..... absolutely disgusting..
37 minutes ago · Like

ChoKang Lew : mr logan, i am saying here, if he ever got drunk again, i swear to god, no tolerance, i will never ever let him sleep inside my room again...i will rather carry him back to Uni Hall. Hopefully he will behave himself when comes to drinking in every time in the future.i am serious.lol.Now I have to use Febreeze to sterilize the carpet and vacuum all over again after i just vacuumed last night before he came out from the toilet and appeared in my room out of sudden with his dirty jeans and shoes off while i was in shower. and i saw the residue of his puke on my carpet thats why.well,bright side, at least he knows how to take off his pants.
Hopefully he sees this.lol.thats what happened last night and i bet he wanna know.
27 minutes ago · Like · 1 person

MYee Tan : dont feel bad. but next time, control yourself. and dont let josiah spikes your drinks again!
23 minutes ago · Like

Wong Jenn Woei : Walao CK u need ar not oh tis is FB le at least leave a little bit of privacy for me la.. those personally tell me can d la for god sake hahahaha..
Myee yeah I learn a big lesson.. I feel bad cox need u guys help me to clean up ''my product'' deeply feel sorry..
4 minutes ago · Like

ChoKang Lew : well, i have thought of giving you some privacy respect, but after considering the fact that you never learn since the last time and make sure you do in the future, sometimes cruelty is the best way. Please learn to say NO if you know you can't take it anymore.XD
a few seconds ago · Like

Okay, if you think I am too petty about it, right, but I am the one who has to take care of him after all you guys ran off and you don't have to worry about him and your room anymore!I think I have the right to complain and to be angry!

Well, please, if you ever can read this, behave yourself. Don't let other's to spike your drink or keep on puring and mixing the alcohol with yourself without knowing anything. you got no experience in drinking, I can tell! This is the second time you drunk but there are 2 persons carry you back to your room and they really don't have to worry about what are you going to go in their room and you were not that dirty last time! You did not puke did not sleep on the dirty kitchen floor and sleep in the disgusting toilet!
I am not white and I can't handle that, although I am so into their lifestyle.

Please, as what i said in the comment, if you ever get drunk again, I will rather carry you back to your room which is 45 minutes away than letting you dirty my room and I have to fell disgusted for a while and do the cleaning.
Taking care of you is one thing, cleaning the mess after you and picking up the slack is another!!!!

Huuu...finish shouting out with the deep side anger....

So, so may things happened still in this few days. BPTC application with the IETLS requirement email but I did not get it and I have no idea if I am exempted or not accepted or etc.
Then, I volunteered my self to the Malaysian Night in waiting stuff in this Saturday which I felt incredible because I can't see myself doing all this here and ironically, I feel excited about it.
Also, yesterday night I asked for a job in Chinese take away restaurant thingy again and hopefully I can get it.
I applied and get the job for involving in the photo shoot for international student in my school and hopefully it is truly happening and I am not dreaming as I am getting paid for that(not much though).
And, I found out people here really getting more and more annoying irritating and disgusting, er, in short, I mean the socializing thingy is just so complicated and tiring although I think I am quite master in it.
Besides, I get connected back to the legal firm I worked before in Malaysia and one of the partner asking me to go back to work after I have finished my study and when I said it is still long to go and he said 'wait until you finish then!'In other word, at least I am secured a job in a legal field (not a big firm though)in Malaysia but my USA dream still so appealing to me.
Also....etc etc etc....

Just hope every thing will really goes well very very soon and goes in the way I want.

My friend suggests me to change my emotional blog's song and she suggested a few peaceful music which i think it is not bad.
Here,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wHVWj9xYoc&feature=related

And she did also share with me an article about the stupid LOVE which is currently ruining my life and spinning me around.
http://www.lztopic.com/archives/4666/

So, BELIEVE! Every bad thing will turns out right, I can turn the day around, the LOVE stop killing me and etc etc!

YEAH!

给塔斯马尼亚的企鹅

企鹅，

好久没有聊天了，你还好吗？

也不知道为什么你叫塔斯马尼亚的企鹅。

这几天不断检查我的部落格，看看你有没有留言。refresh了又refresh。 好几天了，没有更新post，不断期待你的留言，可是看见post下面显示的，都是‘0 comments’。

好，写到这里，先说清楚，我没有喜欢上你暗恋你还是对你有好感！没有！绝对没有！千万不要误会。

还是一样为了我那个伟大又遥远的梦想而烦恼着，只是这几天没有人跟我吐苦水，没有人在英国时间三更半夜在MSN ‘knock knock' 跟我说早安，没有人跟我说他有多想念那个法国人。。。突然就想问候你以下，你，南方太冷冻死了吗？

哈哈，开玩笑。

只是，看到楼下那个post吗？他，也是法国人。
一直期待着你这只跟我同病相怜的企鹅告诉我，我现在到底该怎样。
因为我真的不知道要怎样办才好了。。。。

生活就这样子过了几天了，要发生的事，最后还是发生了，不知道它会发生的事，也一样发生了。。。

可是还好，我这只老不死不知道什么动物的人，还撑得住。

南方怎样了？

真的也想问问你，你最近，还好吗？

乱

天，到底你要怎样?

我知道我们没有可能，所以我在一直不断慢慢努力地把他给忘记，就算我知道那是多么的不肯能，我还是在努力。Well, you can't blame me for trying.

有些事情，好像就是真的你不去想不去期待不去奢望，再让自己慢慢疗伤的时候，他突然又出现。

这几个月我都没跟你说话了，我知道你最近应该也过得很好，跟一班我认识的朋友也好像很好玩，无论多嫉妒心多痛我还是忍下了。期待每一次的课，唯一可以看到你的理由。可是每一次看到你，就是逞强装酷不跟你说话。每个周末都在想你。

今天，跟往常周末以样。突然看到Facebook信息处有人给我信息。也没什么特别的，不是我那马来西亚的‘老公’就是这里Malaysia Society的Newsletter。不曾期望过有谁的来信，至少在我意料中的，就是这几个，更不要说是你了。知从我们两个没有说话后，我也只不过Facebook信息了你两次问你最近过得怎样，可是每次都是你的reply都没有超过第二次。为了不让自己在失望，我也不曾再Facebook信息你了，我也不想每次看到信息显示的时候战战兢兢紧张又期待地看是不是你的来信，有时甚至不敢看，或者看了也不敢回复，因为受不了那种你没有回复的失望。

（题外话，突然这篇被刚从Manchester回来的house mate打断了一下。没什么，他就是突然敲我的门告诉我他回来了，然后就是跟他和另外一个house mate闲聊了一下（他们两个都是上次和我一起去看电影的那两个）。好像是第一次勒，哦不是，上次寒假回来他也是有这样。看来他真的很努力的跟人/我在socialize。也许是我们两个literally住在两隔壁，关系应该要比较好，哈哈。哦，还有，他是犹太人（英国籍）！）

这次在真的没有没有什么预料期待之下，突然看到你Facebook信息我，我的反应真的是吓到然后眼睛睁大还有吃惊喘气了一下。

那一刻，我也不知道该怎么反应。心里控制不住的开心，然后又不想失望的失落。

内容就是你告诉我，你刚刚才发现我还有一套西装在你那里，你现在可以还回给我。你说Law Ball要来了，我应该将会用到。（我也不知道你的现在，是不是真的是‘现在’，你又不知道我住哪里，还是你法国语法不小心放在英文里了）
那时是英国时间下午5点27分，星期日。
我真的不知道要不要还有怎样去回复你。5点29分，我看看你又没有在Facebook Chat上，你下线了。你在那我不知道如何反应的两分钟下线了。刚刚下午6点，写着这篇po的一半又去看了看你，你在线上，刚才应该你只是不小心把Facebook给关掉了吧。

你说你要把那些衣服还给我，我不知道，你是要不想再收留着它们，不想和我再有任何关系；还是你知道我们这样下去不行而特意找个话题来打开话匣子？

我现在到底该怎么办？
我知道无论如何我一定要给你回复的，就在Facebook上回复你说你可以把它带到课堂上吗？还是什么也不用做，等到见面的时候再跟你说？还是当作什么都没发生？

我很乱。

我真的给这种叫爱情的无聊东西搞到我团团转了。

你们还好吗？

突然间很想念小时候，或者是中学时期，才过了几年，那么多事情变了。少了年少的轻狂，年少的无忧。
没有了那些一班朋友可以疯疯癫癫地做每一件事，可以为了一些根本不好笑的事情笑了一整天的日子。

从到哪里都要父母接送，到自己开车，然后跨州甚至跨国旅行；从最大娱乐就是去唱K，到开始学会去Clubbing；从喝可乐到开始喝酒，从凌晨12点前一定要到家，到凌晨三四点还 The Night is still young，大家都在慢慢长大。

以前一起长大的你们，都开始为自己的生活而忙，为了未来而铺路。虽然还是从来没有忘记，努力地搞聚会见面，可是人也不能到齐了，大家有了自己目标，有了自己的梦想，自愿或不愿，到了不同的地方，开始去筑梦。

有时候生活就是那么的感慨，人长越大，责任就真的越大，负担就越重。

呵呵，无论如何，只要大家记得那些一起长大的回忆，心里相信着小时候无知的承诺，无论去到天南地北，总有大家回来团聚的一天，回到曾经那一班，当初为了一些小事可以翻脸，为了一些无聊的言语哭一整天，为了不知道什么而傻笑的那些日子。

朋友，你们最近还好吗？



友达以上，亲人未满。那时候年少无知青涩的样子。（当然还有很多很多不同的朋友，很难把所有都上载到这里，如果是你的话，你心会告诉你的）

怎样

有时我也不知道我自己想怎样。

不要跟他说话，可是又偏偏定时上Facebook看看他的近况，看最近他怎样，看最近他又跟谁交流，看最近他有没有任何comment还是post。
刚刚看到他最近跟更多人，尤其是我认识的人交流，又或者认识了；突然有一种很心痛的感觉，又或者，这种是叫妒忌。

我知道这些事我管不着，也管不了。可是每看到你交友圈子扩大了，就越觉得自己没有安全感，怕自己会失去，怕自己会伤心。可是，我也知道我从来没有拥有过。

人家说找一个新的，你就会对旧的那个免疫。可是我也不知道要怎样去找一个新的。喜欢了一个人，该怎样才可以从里面跳出来去找另外一个。又或者，你解了这个人的毒，接下来也不是傻傻地去中另外一个没有可能的人的毒。

曾经以为我们会很好，会开心，可是没有想到会变成这样。

我们没有说话已经近四个月了，我很怕，很怕毕业后我们会失去联络，很怕我会失去你。
可是我也很怕我没有开口跟你说话的勇气，很怕就算我们说话了，回到以前了，也只不过是两个好朋友而已。
好朋友就是我们可以走到最远的地方，的界限。

我真的不知道要怎样，该怎样。
我也很想把你忘了，然后无论你干什么对我一点影响有没有，这样很好，可是怎么办才可以做到这样?

我可以喜欢你，当然也可以放弃你，可是到底要怎样？

真的是这样的

昨天玩通宵然后睡到今天中午才起床。

今天没有太阳，最近都是阴天。

打开电脑，看到Skype里面就是平时来来去去的那几个人，包括我妹。突然，电脑响起了，屏幕显示我妹妹来电，今天是礼拜五，看来应该就是我妈平时周末的来电吧。
身边还有昨天打游戏打通宵的朋友，所以还想先挂掉的，后来心里挣扎了一下才接了那个Skype来电。

屏幕上显示的，让我哽咽了一下，我看到只有我妈自己一个人坐在电脑前面，我就知道，是她自己用电脑拨电给我的。
你想象到吗？一个年纪不小教育程度不高的妇女坐在电脑前挂了又拨，拨了又挂好几次，然后不停地问怎么没有声音该按什么，最后还是没有成功。
是，就是广告里面那种催泪的情节。
可是，这不是电视广告，那种情节活生生呈现在我面前，当时我真的眼泪要夺眶而出，可是那种腼腆害羞的心理，我还是忍下了。
我终于知道，原来电视广告那些情节并没有作假，没有夸张，就只是提醒我们这些常常被我们忽略的生活小细节。

自己责骂自己，刚才怎么还要犹豫那么久才接电话，怎么因为朋友在身边就把她给忽略了。
我妈，每个周末，从来没有忘记地自己拨电话给我；而我，就一直吩咐表弟表妹妹妹教会我妈上网好让她可以省下那笔电话费。
可是从来没有想过，我妈教育程度不高，学电脑对她来说根本就比替孩子出头出丑还要难。

当母亲的，有时就是这样，无论要花多少钱在孩子身上，都无所谓，只要知道孩子平安无事就好。

就算凌晨要出去开档之前打电话来聊那几分钟，哪怕就只是那么一下子，她都会很开心。
也许，当妈的，都习惯了不提辛苦，也不说要求，唯一的，小小的梦想，就只是盼望有一天儿女们能够健康长大，能够自己照顾自己就好。
就算生活多苦多难，只要听到那个在海外的孩子生活愉快的声音，就可以安心安慰地继续为孩子们的生活，熬下去。

元宵节快乐

元宵节了。

15天，就这样过去了。

不知道你过得怎样，不知道我和他还有没有得挽回，不知道我的未来会怎样。

今天，你回复了我告诉我你有了另一半，虽然不久之前公开了，可是你至少还有正式告诉我，然后开玩笑的说‘对不起啦，自己一个人太闷了，所以背叛你咯’，哈哈。
就是我在马来西亚所谓的‘老公’。
看到你的信息，还是会会心一笑。你还是继续你的风趣幽默，，还是用风流才子甜言蜜语那招去发功。
可能不能再依赖你那么多，不能有什么问题就往你抛，不能好像以前那样有你很快的回复，不能再从你身上拿到那么多定心丸。
接下来的日子要更加独立了。
祝你们：快快乐乐=）

今天，跟很多天一样，我们不说话了。
无论我多在乎你，你不知道；无论我多么想跟你说话；你不懂，无论我要多少勇气才可以重修旧好，你不晓得；我想，看来这一切无论怎样变，你也不在乎。
两个人在商店里擦肩而过，在课堂上坐在两隔壁也可以是陌生人，这一切都没有变。
不知道是不是我自己咎由自取，不知道是不是你也不想这样，也不知道，你对我，又没有好像我对你那样。
日子还是这样过。
祝你：生活愉快=）

今天，又要去跟一大班朋友去庆祝元宵了。
真的没有钱，所以告诉了他们，我今晚不喝酒。
欣慰的是，有一个朋友，知道我没有钱，不断问我需不需要她先借给我，昨天看戏也关心我有没有钱付戏票。
呵呵，原来我的处境到了这样搞笑的境界。
没关系，至少他们会少约我去花钱了。哈哈
看来他们今晚应该会玩得很尽兴，也好，开心就好。一班大家同样来自同样国家同样学院的年轻人，有时侯生活就是不需要那么多的感慨。
祝你们：不醉无归=）

我的未来，要来的，还是会来。

努力吧，刘祖康！
元宵节快乐！

I dreamed, I against the world

I just turned out, fighting the sleepiness just to prepare for my tutorial in 2 hours later, and realize I actually ad a dream last night, an interesting one.

I dreamed, I against the world.

Well, it's not like I have done something, maybe I should say, the world just against me out of all sudden, for some reasons which I don't know.

It just don't know how and why, every one is against me, no one listens to me, no one thinks I'm telling the truth...

I mean, I had a ll kind of dream before, i.e. I'm power ranger, I'm witch, I have powers, I back to school etc but not this one. LOL

At that moment, I am scared, terrified. Could you ever imagined that you are in the position that everyone thinks that you are the problem you are their enemy?

I have no idea what's my subconscious trying to tell me. It is so not funny to be in that situation, when whole world is your enemy, even your family.

Maybe something I have done, something I don't done I've done or something that has been done and should be done that will makes the world against me, which also, I against the world.

Well, it was just a dream.

If I do not prepare my tutorial now, I'll be the tutor's enemy.

So, let's get to work.

Dream.
No matter what it is, true or not, when the world turn their back on you, or sometimes people just turn on you, maybe it's time for you to fight it, alone. It's time to face the world, grow up and move forward.
Things always happen as they always did.

I dreamed, I against the world.

社交

才刚刚跟室友们和一班朋友从电影院回来。

当我说室友，就是等于洋鬼子，因为整间房子8个人减去一间空房，我是唯一的亚洲人。

这是我第一次跟他们一起出去，约了我好几次了，都找了借口推掉。

今天，自己一个人，全部洋鬼子，一个亚洲人，成群结队，去了看一部我到了那里才知道是什么的电影。

结果，一部英国国产片。应该好莱坞制作吧，可是大马应该没有上映。

有时，真的很厌倦这种生活，社交、应酬。。。

可是人就是结群的，没有办法，硬着头皮跟一班洋鬼子去了。

这里的文化其实真的跟我们有分别的，交朋友也是。你可以一班人出去，然后各走各的，你死还是我活，没有什么重要。还是没有我们东方人来得有情。就算他约你出去，有时就只是礼貌问问而已。他们所谓的gesture, courtesy。

他们当中有两个是跟我同一间房子的。还好的是，我发觉到我的室友还蛮照顾我。今天星期三，有便宜戏票，可是得要有code，结果他们都不断确保我可以得到便宜折扣。知道我在陌生人面前含蓄，知道我是唯一一个亚洲人，知道我很难blend in，都会不断地找话题跟我聊，确保我没有走失没有无聊。

人，总是要社交，无论你认为你能躲在龟壳里耐多久，还是有一天要走出来；无论你多么厌恶人心险恶，还是有一天要面对世界。

洋人说的，come out from the shell。

走在傍晚6点就天黑的英国街上，在那冬天和春天交接的寒风下，看着那平时梦想的洋人国度 ，一个人，和一班本地人。

电影不错，自己知道，以后过着这样社交应酬日子的时间，还有很多。

至少，
体会到那两个洋人室友难得的情，
至少，
我踏出了那很多艰难步的第一步。

就这样继续去社交。

因为人，有一天总是要成长，总是要自立。

我将会，二十七八岁

不知道是不是最近都泡在网上，国际学生的全职，发现了好多好多的文章，录像，影片。。。

最近又发现了这个：
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmXSO_j4Rso&feature=player_embedded#at=442
‘我今年，二十七八岁。’

除了那句‘也许我们偶尔累到会想放弃，可是当我们想到，身边还有一个让我们牵挂的人，深吸一口气，继续向前走。。。’有点格格不入搞不懂以外，基本上，它真的概括了所有所有我头脑在想在烦恼的东西。

自己知道命没有别人好，不用到二十七八岁，我真的打从心底能够体会到那篇文章说的每一句话，每一个字。

也许，人是需要成长的，而我就只不过是比别人快了一点。

知道外面还有比我更命苦的，
朋友，加油吧！

我们路没有别人直，可是至少，我们的路上学到的比别人多。

偶尔累了，休息一下，要哭，就放声哭出来，过后再往前走，昂头往前跨。

没有人会怪你笨，怪你没用；
生活就是要这样。

生活很苦，那又怎样，从来没有人说过生活是甜的。

我们没有错，没有人的错，从来没有人让我们去选择，从来没有人告诉我们要怎样做，
所以偶尔要个依靠，渴望个肩膀，没有很过分。

也许我们的二十七八岁会比他们更精彩。

毕竟，

我们将会，二十七八岁。

If you don't read Chinese, never mind, this is basically a really really good video, it is practically telling all I'm feeling right now.

Waiting for the Dawn

I just don't want my blog to start with negative post, or emotional one, or not because of LOVE AFFAIR at least.

But you know, being optimistic and positive is never my expertise, but at least I try.

I know I can't get what I want, as always.

I can't help that, I can't really do much about that.

I don't even know why do I deserve that.

Every time I fell for someone, things like that just happened.
And maybe this is what my fate is all about, what I have to face in my life.
I chose this way, I mean, at least for the person I am crushing right now, I chose not talking and it turns out this way.
No point crying over split milk.

Maybe as what my friend said, when things become worse and worse and it cannot becomes any worse, that's the time it turns out right, turns out bright.

The best dawn comes after the darkest night after all, and the night starts after the dusk.
See? Things just being in its natural way, that's how it works.
It's just dusk always comes before dawn.

Maybe I have to do something about it, I have to move on.

When the downside clouding your happiness so much, it is really OKAY to be sad, mourn about it, grieve it, then move on!

Things happen, every time, they did.

But what important is we grew up within it, that's really all that matters, that's the whole point.

There is always a better way followed by it.
No matter what it is.

Smile =)



黄昏，黑暗的起点。
可是，黎明，总是会在黑暗之后。
黑暗已经来临，熬过黑暗，又是一片光明。
不是吗？

无论怎样。


天黑了，黎明还会远吗？=)

Valentine's aftermath

You have her.

You have him.

You have him.

You have her.

The most importantly, YOU YOU YOU and the latest YOU have your own half.

Everyone.

What do I have?

从来没有奢望过什么，

也从不应该有什么希望，

你emo什么？

莫名的坠落。

Valentine's 2011

Is it just me or this year people start wishing everyone HAPPY VALENTINE'S on Facebook?

This is first time ever I saw that many of 'non-festival' day wishes flooding on Facebook.

Start to miss you somehow, it's the same for me for every year's Valentine's, blissing the person I like with the half, watching and smiling in front of the person celebrating Valentine's together with the half; the only difference is, it's different person I'm missing now, year by year, it's different.

J to H to the one until now, YOU.

German & American artist and IDOL...

Whoever, it's still the same situation for me.

So, this year, as every year is still the same, HAPPY SINGLE AWARENESS DAY to me!!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, world!!!

一个人的情人节

有你会更好吗？

情人节快乐！！！=)

Encouragement

Nothing much about this post.

I just got an encouragement from one of my friend in UK.

When I told him I am worried about everyone start studying here and I am doing nothing, he told me this : ' Come on, chill! Everyone has their own method of study, you being different doesn't mean it is bad!'

Yeah, I need much of this kind of encouragement right now, especially after all what I've been through lately.

He is the only person that I can trust 100% in UK, the only person I can talk to when I really face a serious problem, the only person who can hear me out with totally understand my situation, in UK, I suppose.

He is a soul mate, somehow, I hate to say that, but I gotta admit it. At least in UK.

Like it or not, as much as I don't like to be viewed as a close friend with him, truth be told, he is really one kind of motivation, be it through Skype or face to face.

LOL.

He told me : 'There's always more than one route, when nothing goes right, go left! Things not always happened to be within the expectation, and if it doesn't, you can't change it, so, accept it!'

Maybe we gotta catch up more one day, the more I talk to you, the more and more I am convinced by you.

'Being different doesn't mean it is bad. Just the way you are.'

Also,

'Being different doesn't mean it is abnormal. Normal - it's just the majorities' way of thinking after all.'

Isn't it?

梦。很远

其实我一直以来都很相信梦想的。

相信梦想会实现，相信梦想会给我力量，相信有梦想才会有动力。

从小就知道我的生活不简单，从小就知道这条路会比别人难走，可是我还有梦。

可是偏偏，梦就很遥远。

我没有富豪的家庭背景，只有一个小康之家的单亲家庭。我没有像别人那样可以不用犹豫地不断花钱，我没有像别人那样有一把声音在背后告诉自己放心向前走，后面的路都不用管，我没有像别人那样不需要担心要怎么省钱才能知道整个月可以吃什么。

我没有抱怨。

我没有要求很多，我没有要好像他们那样吃得那么丰富，我没有要好像他们那样可以在暑假时回国，我没有要过得好像他们那样精彩。

只要可以省钱，不会挨饿那就好。

可是为什么梦就是那么遥远。为什么所有事情告诉我，一切都没有那么简单。为什么事情可以那样一个接一个排山倒海地挫败。

我就真的只是一个男孩（不算“小”了）。

我就真的只是希望我可以有一份安定赚钱的工作，我就真的只是希望我可以减轻然后有能力担起整个家庭负担，我就真的只是希望我可以在我的梦想国家做着我的梦想工作。

我就真的只是那么简单。

我不知道原来我的算盘打错了，我不想天天起身都在烦恼接下来的生活，我也不想晚上躲在房间自己一个人哭不知道该怎样办，我更不想在家人朋友面前故作着坚强没事，然后以为很酷地在笑看人生。

我该怎么样才好，所有事情都要on my own 了。

我又哭了。很压力，梦想很遥远，未来很模糊。

梦，很远；路，很难。

还记得吗

很久没有这样感动了。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKFC0IuBdfA

突然在facebook发现了这支广告，真的很感动。

上次流泪写下的 'A lady's story'，是真的，我妈的故事。

现在这支广告，还有很多很多春晚或者农历新年的广告告诉我，真的没有错，我，真的忽略我妈很久很久了。我妈，她是真的真的真的很伟大。

虽然那支广告是改编的，(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=354Ju1ziFgM&feature=related)，真人故事里的台湾阿嬤，没有那么丑（她自己说的 - http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!kbJNfuKGHwI98ybjbIFQHFcA/article?mid=100654&prev=100656&next=-1 ) , 真人故事里的情节，也没有那么夸张。

可是它的故事主干，真的很感动。

我们越长越大，对母亲就好像越来越冷淡，母亲的模样也越来越模糊。

以前小时候喜欢她扣着自己的颈，喜欢跟她一起出去玩，喜欢听她说故事，喜欢有事没事叫她一声‘妈’；现在人长大了，越来越不喜欢听她唠叨，越来越不喜欢呆在家，连要叫她一声‘妈’，也用‘eih’来代替。

以前喜欢唱‘世上只有妈妈好’，‘天下妈妈都是一样的’；现在听都觉得恶心。

母亲，好像被我们抛得越来越远，越来越被我们忽略。那种小时候的母亲儿子印象变得越来越不重要。她说话，你会觉得她很吵；她问你问题，你会觉得她很笨，怎么教也教不会；她关心你，你会觉得她很烦。

母子的距离，被你抛得越来越远，她怎样努力喘气都追不上。

找到了广告故事的真人真事：

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/clairehsiao/9736795

‘一张小抄，一个阿嬤的故事’

还有，在里面看到这样的一个留言：‘母亲总是选择最傻的一条路前进’

是呀，她们总是选择最直接的表达方式。

有多久因为害羞，没有跟你妈多聊几句了？出国留学的，有多久没有打电话回家了？

如果有时她很不体谅你地唠叨你（现在的她，已经没有能力再狠骂你，鞭打你了），记得要耐心忍下。

不要忘记，以前她是怎样忍受你那无理取闹的孩子气，把你这个小猴子纵容下去，让你今天有能力去反驳她，顶撞她。

没有了她，我真的不知道该怎么办。。。

Failed

Okay, I just came back from EU lecture. You attended late and well, as usual, we did not talk to each other at all. Whoever left first, I don't care.

Now, I am not circulating you in this post.

Just came back from school, try my very best to convince that we may be possible to be together and when I reached home, damn!

One letter in front of my door, I thought it was just spam or receipt for my tuition fees I paid for this morning. Unexpectedly, LiDL HQ in London sent me the letter and tell me my application for job is not successful. Well, I never even know that counts for a application.

Then, turn on my computer, check my email, the firm I applied for pupillage last time, failed!

Alright, what should I feel now?

Sad, disappointed, happy?

LUCK, where are you? I need you for my JOBS.

I can't even be accepted as a store assistant?

It's bad enough already for me to bugged by the fella who keep on appearing on my mind, then my study the burden. Now YOU give me this again? Two come together I might add!

Is that too much to ask to get a job or just an easy life for a little boy like me?

I'm still thinking if I should go to LiDL local store and try to ask again.

Money keep out going out from my account, no jobs for me yet!

Doesn't it's too much for me to take?

Damn! The hell of this life. So much of being positive.

Maybe we should talk

I came back and write this post right after the Sales of Goods class.

Today, in Sales of Goods lecture, well, it's just so happened that there's no suitable seat available for me to get up there and avoid you, yeah, I have been avoiding you all these time although I desperately wanna talk to you.

I know you will then definitely sit in the front row as usual, except EU Law which I don't know why. That's how we met actually. I saw you sitting on the front row on the first day of Sales of Goods lecture alone, and I asked my friend along to sit with you. Of course, with the motive to know you, I have been watching and observing you ever since the first time I saw you in the very first Labor Law lecture which I accompany my friend to attend.

So, back to the point, I chose the front row's seat which I don't have a choice, and then as expected, you came into the lecture hall and you sit beside of me. Um, I was wondering will you pick the seat directly beside me or the seat after that and leave or bag in our between. Well, you didn't. You sit literally on my right seat, beside me. Maybe because I move my file on the seat's table and you just showing a manner by doing that or what, I don't know. But what I know, you sat beside me, I pretend not to see you although when I move my file away, when the class ended you finished packing and you are suppose and can leave like many other student and I'm still in the middle of copying something, but you didn't. You waited but I don't know for what. To talk to me?or just wait for my other friends?

I really really wanna talk to you, but I, I really can't do that. Every time I wanna open my mouth, see you through your eyes, or just look at your eyes and talk, I can't. I am panic, nervous. I don't know what to talk, ever since this 'cool war' we've lost all the topics, from little to none now.

So we ended up not talking to each other, before during or even after the lecture, we just pretend like we never exist. Jeez, we sat right beside of each other! I know it's may be my fault, I'm the one who don't want to turn and talk to you while most probably you were waiting after lecture just to talk to me (or not).

So, while I am still pretending not seeing you, you leave your seat and talk to the other friend which I don't want you to. I just don't like him. You stay and hang around for a while. And of course, we did not say any goodbye before we leave, and you leave before me, with the friend, I suppose. So, did you turn and look at me for at least a second?

I.... I really have no idea what we're going through now. Maybe it really doesn't matter much to you but to me, the hell lot yeah!

Yesterday; today.

Bump into you talking on the phone alone after class, wonder if you felt awkward as much as I do and did turn around and look at me when I leave; sit beside you, pretend not each other doesn't exist at all never met before and wonder do you really sit beside because of you want to or just coincidence, and if you want to, then do you want to talk to me, and if you do, can we be not only as friend or best buddy? can we at least stand a chance to cross the damn friendship line that every secret admirer can't cross?

I really wanna to be with you. I afraid if you go back to your country after this semester ends and we're not going to see each other again, I afraid if you don't want to talk to me if you know the truth...There're so many that I have to worry about.

Should I just confess everything to you on the coming Valentine's Day? Should I test you if you going out anyway during that day?

I don't know. That's what I say, there're so many things I wanna tell you know you and also so many things that I have afraid of. Every single thing that have to deal with you, it's really getting on my nerve when I don't know where and how to begin with. The feeling of missing you everyday and acting cool in front of you is so not fun and getting under my skin.

And you, maybe you are afraid of me or wonder what the hell you did wrong and why am I that mad at you. Or maybe you don't even care.

We have many things in between. No one knows what to do. Maybe we should back in the saddle. Maybe we should try. Maybe we should say:

Maybe we should talk.

But how?

Him = Motivation

Ernst and Young, a very famous international company that even I frequently heard of this name in UK, well, I gotta say that I'm very proud to say that, my hubby, Mr Michael Yang Chang Huei has got into the company as taxation department's assistant!

OMG! I am freaking envy him about that! How good if I can be in his position.

And my sister's friend, studying the same course as Mr. Michael, according to him, she got into another big company too and she has already passed ALL the ACCA papers! She is one year younger than me!!!

After a long while, literally, finally I met my hubby on MSN, which we usually send message and keep in touch on Facebook frequently, and he got me this news!

He seldom go onto Facebook nowadays, he said he is busy and well, also he is working in that huge company, that's what he got for me after this long while. OMG! Although I knew he was going to interviews, looking for jobs, his recent news etc, but I have not got to know this shocking good news yet. Well, seriously, truth be told, I envy and jealous him a lot about that, especially what I have been through in UK about those stupid financial constraint. Well, of course, I am very very proud of him, he is my hubby after all. LOL

Sometimes I really wonder, should I even come to UK in the first place? What it would been like if I stay in Malaysia? Things may turns out better if that way?

Well, what have done is done. Maybe now, using him as inspiration, as model, keep encouraging and motivating me to S.T.U.D.Y!!!

Michael Yang Chang Huei, my hubby, Ernst & Young, working now but I'm still studying....

Okay, there're enough facts to tell me I really have to work hard!!!

Sometimes, I really feel happy to have him, in whatever way. He is the only one who able motivates me helps me calm me comfort me makes me optimistic etc etc. His favorite quotation 'Don't worry lah' always works for me, in whatever circumstances. As long as there're problems, I tell him and he will calm me down and I just have to think of him and the way he told me, everything turns out fine. When he said he understand my situation, I felt that he really does understand, it's not a manner or gesture like I get from most of people. Everything will just turns out the way I want it to be or at least in a good way when I believe and listen to him.I'm not sure what's affecting that, maybe the positive energy around me, or he brought to me or whatever. Long story shorts, he really helps me a lot and thus means a lot to me when I'm in whatever trouble.

Yeah, it is weird to say, but I have to have a shout out here for him: 'I love you Michael Yang Chang Huei!!! I'm so proud to have you!'

Just somehow I believe, 'WE are always the lucky one.' That's how I make him feel better and what I really believe in.

Seriously, if I'm his wife, I don't think I have to worry about my life. LOL

He's thinking a way for me to earn some money here in UK now on MSN. LOL

Yeah, typical accounting student, he helped me to keep track on my expenses in here as well.

So, gotta see what he had got for me.

Ciao!

Him - Really thank you very much!

Sending me off on the day I'm flying to UK and start with my miserable life.

Okay, it's not like I'm having a successful life now, far being for me to be happy and grateful yet. So, for your own him and whoever's sake, STUDY!!!

Quotation

In the middle of enjoying study, somehow, (hopefully it will lasts) which I rejected my house mate invitation for the film 'The Fighter', and trying very hard to pay attention on study and listening to lecture recording and finally I half-made it, I found these:

'Its not the end that I fear with each breath, its life that scares me to death'

'Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for'

'人家说，喜欢一个人，不需要理由；原来讨厌一个人，也不需要理由的。'

Don't you like it? LOL

POSITIVE

Alright, I should say, the longer I think about you, the worse I felt and the more negative I will head to.

So, believe in law of attraction, positive energy!!!

If I really think you and I are destined to be together, or as a matter of fact we are destined to be together, all I have to do is just BELIEVE in it!!!That's all about it!!!

Also, don't forget about study!
Work hard and smart!!!
BELIEVE that I can do it!


POSITIVE!

Wonder

Hey YOU,

If you can read this, (I know you can't and you won't, you don't even know this exist), I just wana ask you, do you ever had one bit of feeling on me? Or, are you having at least a little bit now?

The only company revision lecture today, I came late and you were later than me. Probably it just so happens that there're no more seats in the lower part where we usually sit, that's why I and another French friends went up there and I thought you will never come for this early class as always. But you came, after me,and so happened you came to where we sat. Yeah, maybe it's just coincidence for you to get up there, or you saw the French friends and you went up and definitely not because of me. (Alright, be positive, maybe there are possibility you came up because of em too XD)
I know you can't get the lecture handout although you go down there, it's not at the place you thought it is. I almost can't find it too earlier. I never bother, one reqason sis because the lecture started and also, I don't know what and how to react. As usual, everything happens for me in front of you, I just don't know what to do.

After class, I did not even turn back to say bye or what, this has been going on ever since we started not talking to each other. I am not even sure it's a good thing or not. Me and you, just take it as if like we never met each other and me and you do not even exist. I know some people told me you just wonder why do not I talk to you, you are totally OKAY to talk to me after the incident and I'm the one who terminate our 'friendship' first.
Maybe you realy did wonder, yeah, unfortunately, I can't tell you the truth, I pretend like, yeah, I mad at you, that's it.
Don't ever wonder the real reason behind, you wouldn't wana know, I bet.

When I was walking to another building with a bunch, I just bump into you talking on the phone, alone. Seriously, I really have no idea should I appproach you or just pretend that I did not see you.
And you, maybe, you just turn back and have no idea what to react too when you saw me. I felt that.
At last, we just pretend not seeing each other.
I saw you still on the phone before I enter the building.
I wonder, did you feel as awkward as I am?

Well, I really don't know what to do about you. Every time I come to deal with the things to do with you, I really panic. Should I say, how can I salvage this? But if I do, maybe it will hurts me more. Talking to you as a friend, even the best friend, is not what I want, what I yearn for what I fantasize about.
Not talking to you every time I see you and pretend that I'm so cool with losing you as 'friends' (that's what you think) end me up with missing you and feel like seeing you every time I got back to room from class.

I wonder what did you think just now when you bumped into me. Although you felt as awkward as I did, should I be happy for it or what? Or maybe it's just what I thought that's what you felt but it's actually not true?
I don't know, and I got no one to talk to about this.
That's why, I came to library and update the post immediately after that.

Yeah, I wana turn aorund and look at you everytime you leave, but some time I just too afraid to.

There's saying, when there're two persons, when you leave, if he/she is into you, then he/she will turn around and look at you once again, at least for a second.
Did you?

SUNNY day

Today, is a sunny day!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, the sun shine on the earth, the ground colored by sunshine, the grass bathed with the sun....

The sunshine just cover the earth, it is just so simple great!!!

Yeah, it's not like I never see the sun before, especially in Malaysia, we have pretty much there.

Anyway, it's winter here, there's still sun sometimes but it is just so hard to see the sun and the sunshine.

Past few days we've got a strong wind here, when I say strong, I mean literally, really really strong, it has been here for past few days 24/7. The sound and the strength of the wind was really terrifying.

So, today, Tuesday, although a busy day, but a Tuesday without tutorial, February 8th, SUNSHINE!!!

It is really happy for me to see a sunny day here especially in winter. Cold weather, soft breeze, and a warm sun....

The house, ground, grass and everything fell in the sun bath. Wow, what a nice view and a good relaxation!

Alright, I have lectures later.

Hopefully today, and the day and the days onwards will be good days for me!!!

Good day sunshine!!!

Photo Editing

OMFG!

I did not sleep and stay up for whole night just to spend my time on PHOTO EDITING instead of STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIT!!!

Gotta reimburse the time I have spent just now in tomorrow with studying! Well, always, for me, words always speak louder than action. Hopefully tomorrow I can do some work, school work I mean.

Back to the point, it just randomly came to me that I wanna edit photos and finally I downloaded the Photoscape (which I have in my old PC) and start wasting my time.

I did not install in the first place in my new PC and don't plan to but don't know what the hell wrong with me today! ARGH!!!UGH!!!

So, after editing and perfectly wasted my time, I decided to uninstall the software!!! So, I won't explore the photo editing well anytime soon, hopefully I won't re-download it one day.

And, I felt like uploading some of my 'masterpiece' here, but, nah, forget it. It takes a long time to do that. LOL

STUDY LEW CHO KANG!!!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Usually with this kind of topic, I will definitely make a long story about how lucky I am to have all my friends and dwell on the story of 3+3. Of course, many others as well. In fact, until today, as a matter of fact, yes, I still feel proud, happy and lucky to have them.

But now I've finally realize, or precisely experience the feeling of going to University and mixing around with friends that you don't really wanna be friend with. It's not anti-social. It is just, you know, everyone in University is selfish, at least most of them are (maybe that's a way of self defense) so we can't expect much and it is even harder to expect a soul mate in Uni life.

Buddy, dude, mate, yeah, it is very easy to get. Plenty of them out there, more than enough. No buried reasons, it is just too simple to have people to share joy and happiness, not the sorrow and agony unfortunately.

Maybe it's neither party's fault, it's just 'personality un-match'.

I didn't mean that we can get someone who able see eye to eye with each other in every single matter, but I mean, a friend, someone who is really worth you caring about. No one said it has to be someone who shares everything do everything together, considering the fact that even couples don't do that, I mean just someone who can earn and gain some trust from you, a trustworthy person, that's really all that matters.

Okay, my personal experience, it sucks. I pretty much experience a jerk's doing somehow.

Well, the plus side, at least I can see more personality, train my 'personality observation analysis', or even learn how to adapt in a bunch of people that you can't give your heart to.

So,

I don't understand. Why do some people can just expect, or think that they deserve to be treated good and take everything for granted? Mind your tongue and act dude, you might just end up burning yourself with that one day. Not everyone is being proud of being your friend, sometimes you have just overestimated yourself.

Friendly advice.=)

DRUNK

Yeah, in order to celebrate CNY, we cooked and had our dinner together for this few days.

Reunion dinner that I missed, Bak Kut Teh in yesterday and also today's steamboat.

Bow is about 3.35am 6th February in UK time, I just got home and I think I am drunk and tipsy.

Everyone was drunk I think, and I am one of the most not drunk. But still, I am writing this in drunk mood I think.

Nevertheless, I feel like throwing up now, and, I am dizzy. Anyway, we had a steamboat just now then a liquor party, It has been a long time for me to have this kind of party here in UK as I seldom mix with those whites when they have drinking session.

Felt so good to be drunk after these times.

I got so much of courage of doing things I do not dare to do always. LOL

If YOU were there, yeah, I will definitely tell you I LOVE YOU.

But too bad, you were not.

凌晨记忆

凌晨，

忽然记起，原来你和我的关系，就像云霄飞车那样，可以在一瞬间突然地冲上那么高，然后也可以很快地，给你一个措手不及，冲下来。

可是现在还在等着云霄飞车再次冲上去的时候，一个遥远的期待，一个不知名的未来。因为，这趟云霄飞车总会有结束的时候。

甚至，现在它还可以不可以再次冲回上去，都还是个未知数。

Jeez, the title is so disgusting, I got a goose bump on it already. I mean this title, the Chinese one. LOL.

Yeah, to YOU, just somehow I have this kind of flashback and it is so promptly that I can write it in Chinese. I know you can't read Chinese, or if you know this blog even exist, which I know you don't know.

Just a very simple flashback between me and you. Maybe I am no one to you, but you mean a lot to me and you have definitely no idea how much it is. I don't want to, but it's not like I have a choice, as I said, I tried to get over you but I can't.

Our, us, just, you know, kinda get close to each other out of all sudden and then came to this 'not speaking to each other' stage in just so fast. Yeah, maybe I can manipulate it or alter it by taking the first move to talk to you, as I am the one who stop the conversation between us in the first place, but if you are not into me, for you, me, heaven and god's sake, it is better to keep it this way.

Isn't it funny? We, I mean us, just go up the hill and slided down just like that, in a jiff. In a glimpse of us, it is dramatic, and maybe nothing much matters to you but it matters to me.

Okay, you and me, it's not like we can control it. I crush on you and you can't do much about it. I don't blame you.

So, God, please, as previous post mentioned, as one of my CNY wish, please, let's get this over with a.s.a.p. Thank you very much.

2011 Bunny CNY

Yeah, CNY!!!

Well, this is the first year I am not celebrating my CNY with my family for last 21 years.

I am staying in this western country that I know no one care nothing about CNY, is definitely expected to have this kind of boredom during CNY. The only thing we can do, maybe is just celebrating among ourselves, and make the most out of it.

LOL

Yesterday because of my assignment, I did not sleep, and that is why I turned out to SLEEP instead of NAP which I thought I can have. And that is also why, I missed the CNY 'reunion dinner' among my friends. :(

I set my cell to silent, and it is far away from my bed, no alert, no alarm, my nap at 5pm++was just going on to sleep and turned out waking up at 10.30pm!

Now, I am working hard on my tutorial tomorrow, which I seldom do. LOL. Not sure if I can manage to grab some naps.

Maybe tomorrow gotta be a tiring day again.

Oh yeah, I was informed that I am vegetarian for ONCE for a YEAR from 12am to 12pm on the first day of CNY. LOL. I never really realize and experience that until now.

So, no meat, even eggs and milk for me for half day.

Whatever it is, although my CNY eve and reunion dinner this year was a mess, basically was not happening, and I am not sure what can we do more in coming next 15days of CNY especially in such a situation that school has just started and I gotta SAVE MONEY.

Doesn't matter if any celebration will be going on, what I really wish for this brand new year is, everyone that I care and I love, family, friends.....live well and healthy. We will be definitely meeting in future CNY!!!

For myself? Nothing much. I just wish for myself that I can get through my Degree with distinction and do not waste the money I have spent so that I can 兔气扬眉(not too much to ask right, haha.) I am planning to study this weekend as a good kick start of the new semester, please make it happens. Then there will be a direction and guidance, a clear one, to tell me what to do next in my life as I am growing older, burden is heavier and also I am so far away from my dreams - USA, 988, UK barrister. That's all my dream and the reason I am struggling now, yeah, financial constraint mostly. Besides I have to keep believing it will happens when I BELIEVE, sometimes I really need some encouragement, some light that glow in the dark at least. Listen, I don't want to go back to Malaysia for good!!!

And, please please please, puhhhh lease......to the God up there, whoever you are, if I am really meant to be with the person I am hitting on now, I know you know who the person is, then give me some signs, or else, please, let me go. I am throwing in the towel in this, seriously, I gave up! Don't hold me onto that person any longer because it is so not fun. Get rid of that, so that I can concentrate on building my dreams.

Thank you, Happy Chinese New Year everyone !!!

恭喜发财!!!

HeartBeat

Today, my environmental summative assignment dued.

The moment before I submit it, I feel nervous, really nervous. I have no idea why, it was like I have taken coffee. Yeah, when I took coffee, I will feel nervous for no reason.

Hopefully ths is with luck!!!

My heart was beating very fast.

Or probably I saw you, I thought I have over you. I really thought that. I thought I have convinced myself that we are impossible. But today, first day I saw you in class in Spring Semester, which I have no idea why you did absent for Tuesday class, my subconscious telling me that I am still having something on you.

I want to get over you!!! Why can't I? When I see you my heart just melt!

When I saw you, as usual, I have no idea what to do next.

My heart was beating seriously fast.

Gosh, assignment, I can handle. You, no, please no. I can't take it. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee, stay way from my life.

I am begging you, God!

Some facebook status

Well, sometimes we do find something very interesting and especially meaningful on others' facebook status update.

this is what i found : Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

this is mine: ' 物竞天择，适者生存；故人不为己，天诛地灭？谋事在人，成事在天，岂听天由命？亦尔虞我诈，以鹤立鸡群？何去何从。'

and, also i saw : 'tomorrow is a different day!'

=)

GO GO GO!

I hope I have made the right move, right decision.

Right, whatever it is, BELIEVE!

YOU ARE ALWAYS THE LUCKY ONE, remember?

Be positive, be optimistic : Hell yeah, I know I did!!!!

加油!!! GO GO GO!!!