E.M.O

2010年9月21号 早上8点40分

离我要离开马来西亚的那一天，就只是那么的一天。。。

明晚就要飞了。。。

今天早上，爬起身，看着昨晚累倒睡着等着filetransfer结果没有关到的电脑，很多人都在我facebook最新的status上留言。。。。
很多人都叫我不要走，不要离开。。。

现在才知道，我身边还有那么多关心我的人， 最近要离开了，不断要去应酬，可是也无意间察觉到，我身边还有很多值得我去想念的朋友，除了3+3, 还有 sheauyeong 他们，还有qingyao 他们 ，liching 等等。。。还有很多很多。。。

甚至988，DTSD等，ah sim 那一句：“去到英国不要给人家欺负，有什么事情记得打电话回来给我们。。。”真的让我知道，我也会去想念他们，不单单只是应酬而已。。。

当然，家人肯定十分关心我，我也是，可是我真的不懂要怎样表达。。总之，我现在才察觉到，真的，很多人在关心我。。。

我要离开了，无论多不舍得，都要告诉自己，这条路是自己选的，没什么好哭，就算去到国外多累多苦都要拼回来。。。

很多人看死我不能在英国逗留，尤其是美国，我就要凭着这些话，努力向前，我相信那些是我的动力，很主要的动力。。。

马来西亚，其实也没什么好留念的，就只是家人和一大班朋友。。。我可不担心， 因为这些，都可以保持联络。。。

就只是他， 我不知道我到底还有没有喜欢他，可是那晚，就算几个月没见他了，只见了他一晚，第二天，心就好像要被撕开般的想念他。。。

去到那边，我不联络他，他，会自己联络我吗？

E.M.O最近很流行这个字。。。

E.M.O完后，告诉自己，无论是去美国发展还是回来988 ,生活再苦也要拼下去！

人因为梦想，才会伟大的！

加油，刘祖康！

it is not over

15/9/2010 10.47pm


IT IS NOT OVER....

i really seriously thought it is over.
but damn!
I AM SERIOUSLY MISSING H DEADLY TODAY!!!




this feeling has gone for a while and thought it is over.
now i only found out it has not disappear, just hide in deep down my heart...


MAN!

I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BADLY H!!!!

T.T

killing me...

SHIT!again...

15/9/2010 2.21am

it has been a while that i did not come here..

but this time

SHIT!it comes again...

i thought i had seriously over it.

but it really seems impossible.

i unexpectedly received H's call in the midnight after i came back from kuala selangor and working on something have not even take my shower.

H called asked me if i free to bring H out, if I have car.

yeah, i know H will only find me when in need of something.i asked:'why do u always find me when only u got something to trouble me?' H said:' if nothing, i got no point of looking for you...'

I asked if the 'thing' is urgent that i gotta bring H out right now. i asked what is the matter make H called me midnight after a few months of not contacting each other.

H have no idea to tell me what H really want. after v have a chat for a while on phone, yeah, H needs cigarattes.

amazingly, i said ok and tell H will drive to H house and bring H out after i shower.

NO ONE can ask me out after a long tired day like this in the midnight,especially with the lame reason of needing cigarrates.

before hang up, i asked H to call me again to reconfirm whether do i wana go out, but after hang up, i re-think again and again...i decided YES!!!

as expected, H called after a while, after my bathe. H asked me whether i wana out or not and i said yes!!! then, driving a car in the midnight, about 12.40am, to drive H to buy cigarattes. and before H got on car, hitz.fm playing 'the truth' by Kris Allen. i am hoping H can hear that song before the song end, but H said doesn't like kris allen.lol

i thought of going to H house after buying cigarrates, but H said afraid of our voice may wake the family up, so we went to mamak, sri petaling kinrara.

H ordered drinks and cigarrates and the guy saif the cigarrates is out of order. I am thinking is it the God is helping me, no cigarrates, so H can't smoke.

I want H to quit smoking!

H went to counter and got it.

and what is so amazing, I smoke!

maybe 1 and a half of ciggarates.

the first half is from H, H taught me.

H did not stop me instead.

then the 2nd one is i took it by myself.

i just want to try, H said i am wasting because i did not take the smoke to lung, but the feeling is killing me. so i just take it, and blow it out.

but main point, I SMOKE! the first time SMOKING experience.

unexpectedly, given to H in this unexpected midnight.

I told H that i am going to UK, I asked for the H's shirt i used to own for a while, H promise give it to me and bring it to UK.

i was joking by telling H if i miss H i will webcam with H. H said YES!!!H did not say no.

i repeated the demand few times and H did not say no.

hopefully this is right and H mean it..

anyway, to make a long story short, LOVE IS SO RIDICULOUS!

i tried smoking because of H

i realize love can be so ridiculous until making someone do what he don't usually

i can go out anytime just by a call by H, even how unwilling i am at the moment.

i realise i did not actually forget H

i did not actually not fallen for H anymore

all this because,

I love H,

or I had a huge crush on H again...

or, i did not forget H before AT ALL!

but when can i tell H the truth?

what is going to happen after i get to UK?

i really wonder..

H doesn't want me, i know, because i tests H again just now and clearly,

NO CHANCE