睡觉

最近睡觉，都不是一下就睡着。躺在床上差不多要一个小时才入睡。

不知道是不是压力，头脑不停在烦在思考，所以根本放松不到地去睡觉。

这两天早睡（凌晨12点1点），都不会一觉醒来天亮。

总是觉得自己中间翻来覆去，这里痒那里痒，还是什么的。

就是睡不好。

今天早上五点半就醒来，想开始准备然后温习。哪知道赖在床上半个小时后不小心突然又睡到十一点半十二点才起身。

最近昼长夜短，五点三十五分天开始亮，差不多晚上九点天才全暗。

今天那么早起床，赖在床上时忽然发现，原来自己有那么大的孤独感。也许是早上凌晨的时间效应。

快，真的要温习了。

虽然现在有多panic, helpless还是什么。

总得要温习。

Dying

On April 26th 2011 5:51am Malaysia time, the long lost little brother of mine Mr Francis Chan called me on Skype, out of my expectation. This is probably the 3rd time he call me on Skype, but it has been a while seen his last call. He said he thought of long time never talk to me and thus go onto the Skype and chat with me this time, nah, I knew he just get bored when no one he can talk to wanna talk to him and I am his final resort.

My main point is, he told me, he is not studying now, 游手好闲。

Well, so far he hasn't been giving his best is studying I know, and hence he can get through the exam or something.

Whatever it is, today is my first day starting a little bit of studying for my coming exam, it is less than 1 month!!! Not much have done today though, but I was seriously got terrified by the fact that he got nothing to do now mostly due to his study.

Gosh, I was already panic and helpless after I start planning my study today although it ended up nothing. When I see his condition situation or whatever you call it right now, I am totally scared.

Man, what I am supposed to do now to finish my study in time? What can I do if I can't get through it this time?!

Oh My God.

I am dying....

Untitled

It's still stuck and suckz.

I came back from work not long ago.

Today, got a prank call. LOL. Maybe I can find it on Youtube one day.

And, my dishes for my supper tonight is the bigger portion again, which I do not expect.

I do not which chef is helping me or did they actually intend to help or what.Maybe it was the Head Chef who helped me when I went for dish washing one day. I don't know.

Well, my life is really temporarily straw.

Hopefully, I believe, things just haven't turn well yet, it will, one day.

I will put on a great show in my life, one day!!!

事情s

最近发生了很多事。

突然间太多太多的事，措手不及。

今天在Facebook上突然po了一个status抱怨学校突如其来一个‘mistake’造成我得回马renew visa，突然很多朋友都关心我问候我。

就算他们没有留下任何comments，原来他们也有去把那里的每一个comment给念完。

今天又有两个housemate回家了, 这里有三个星期的Easter Vacation， 很多人都回家。

送了他们上的士后，剩下的一个British Born India housemate 突然也告诉我说他看到了我的Facebook，问我还好吗。

跟他说完了，他还突然给了我个拥抱。

突然，有一种很温馨的感觉。

虽然在这里抱过很多个人，有时候在对的时候对的拥抱，会很感动的。

后来也跟他，甚至曾经跟好几个英国朋友说我得考IETLS，很多都说：“You speak good English, no worries.” 甚至有些也认为我没有必要去考。

呵呵，我也想no worries,可是有时候很多事情后来会怎样发生，没有人知道。

很多很多的事，突然想停下来什么也不要做，喘一口气，什么也不要想。

忘记该忘记的，收拾一下自己，准备考试。

有时候，

事情就是喜欢来得那么突然。

当相信可能已经不再可能的时候

有时候，

不是你不去相信，而是无论你多么相信，它还是不会发生。

曾经告诉过自己，

相信就好，相信什么都可以发生。

呵呵，有时候也不知道是不是自己太天真，太无知。

很多事情，天总是喜欢跟你玩躲猫猫，很多事情，天就是喜欢跟你开玩笑，很多事情，它就是会让它事与愿违。

无论你多努力多相信多拼命地告诉自己去相信，

不可能，终究是不可能；不会还会是不会。

曾经真的以为自己多坚强多勇敢多厉害风吹雨打吹不倒打不死，

有时候现实来了，总是要低头。

或者，自己从来没有勇敢地抬头过。

有人说低头不代表认输不代表放弃，

很多时候人定胜天，

呵呵，有时候这句话，不过是口出狂言，有多少人真的可以成功勇敢面对过，斗得过那个天。

现实来了，就是要低头。

我不知道它要不要你抬头，要不要你认输，

可是无论自己怎样努力跟自己讲Everything happens for a reason，

那一刻的痛，那一刻的烦恼，真的会冲昏整个头。

那时候，你也不知道，到底它的reason在哪里。

可是肯定的是，痛已经很深，伤害还是已经造成。

当相信可能已经不再可能的时候，

我该往哪里走。。。

过渡期

有好几天都没有上来了。

这几天，其实心很痛的。这几天，应该是过渡期。期末，应该还要有一段时间。

没关系，我会好的。

我也会过得好好的。

又不是第一次，早已经习惯很久了。

大学所有lecture已经结束了。连压力重重的assignment, tutorial 和class test, 全部都没有了。

Easter Break 来了，期末考，也跟着来了。

这全部，

就是告诉我，要没有机会再见到她了。

这几天终于提起勇气跟她说活，也许是英文的confront她。

这几天，

自己真的很累，心很痛。尽量让自己早睡不要想太多，起来第二天，又是美好的一天。

我说，尽量，所以我尽量让每一天的早晨可以能够完全忘记她。我知道我得尽快做到。

其实有时候，我真的不知道这个世界上要有爱情来干嘛。

自己一直以来，从小到大，都以为没有什么可以难倒自己。就算生活再难再苦，我咬紧牙根还是一样可以学会自己怎样闯过去。

可是那个无聊的爱情，来的时候，真的，我认输了。那种心痛，真的会很痛，真的是那种痛彻心扉，虽然这不是第一次的痛，虽然这种痛，我有过很多次。

有时候男人，总是需要一个女人，人，总是需要一半才完整。

很多事情我相信，只要相信就有奇迹。

可是爱情，应该不可以。无论你多相信，不会就是不会，不可能就没有可能去变可能。

拿了好几天来疗伤了，应该有了两三天，不知道还要多少天来痊愈，可是告诉自己该够了，堂堂男子汉，拜托，还有很多事情等着我去做。还有很多事，我得去做。

虽然现在还和她在那边吵着热战着，

可是我知道会过去的。

嗯，一切都会好的。

这几天天气都很好，好多天了，从还没开始confront她到现在。

嗯，一切都会过去的。

再见亦是朋友就好，我要求就只是那么简单。

塔斯马尼亚的企鹅，放心，看来我又一次接受事实了。其实自己真的不实第一次，我已经习惯很久，很久了。

阿那个Aberystwyth的朋友，不要看小我，我过得一样好。记得我说过：‘LOVE is just a stupid thing in the world that should deserves the least concern of mine’:D

其实我还是很不明白，为什么这个世界上还有人可以为了爱情要生要死。

嗯，大考来了，才是现在该烦的，然后还有很多很多事情得去烦，去做。

感谢老板愿意帮我安排暑假工，还有未来一年的宿舍。

跟他confirm了一次，他说他是认真的。

当然，我也感谢老天让我认识她，很有之前很多很多个她，虽然我也不明白为什么。

Well,

什么事情发生都好，我还是相信，

Everything happens for a reason.

美国，你等我！ =D

YOU

Alright, I totally don't understand, especially YOU right now.

I went to LiDL with bunch of my friends, on the way back home, we came out from LiDL and I saw you, coincidentally walking towards my direction, but not me.

It is a rainy day, it was drizzling.

I know you saw me, I saw you too. At first glance I can't really recognize you, but after I took my second look, yeah I am sure it was you, wearing a jumper short pants covering you head with the hood.

I saw you and frankly, I wanted to talk to you, at least take the initiative too, that is what I have been thinking. and decided all these days.

Unfortunately, I can tell, you pretend like not seeing me, man, what do you expect I can do then? Stop you and say hi and talk to you? ( Yeah maybe this is what I should do but I just don;t know how)

You are the one asking people around why didn't I talk to you anymore and now when you see me, you pretend like not seeing me and just ignore me every time. What do you want exactly?

So we just passed by each other, side by side, just like that.

Alright, look, I know maybe it was my fault in the first place, and maybe that turns you into my enemy with full of hates on me or whatever.

All these days, I knew, I realize there is no point doing this, I have make up my mind, to talk to you, although I am not sure if I have the guts.

It was not the first time now when you and me bump on street and we pretend like strangers.

Trust me, I really wanna talk to you now, I really do.

After all these days I spent time thinking, I really can't give a damn shit to what happened before. It is totally up to you now.

Everyday I go to class, I have been thinking how to open the conversation although ends up nothing. Probably I do not have the guts, or maybe you just don;t give a damn shit to me too now.

And you missed class sometimes, including today, after I have also made up the same mind to take the courage to talk to you, but we ran into each other and you pretend like nothing.

Well, seriously, I really can do nothing about it.

I have sent facebook message to you, few times, although only once which is the latest to ask you if you wanna talk about it, talk about us. As I expected, I don't get a reply and now you showing me your face like that every time we see each other. Sorry, I really don't know what do you want.

My friend said every time he saw us, we were just showing the grumpy face each time we saw each other. I am not sure about this, but whatever it is, I really have ran out of ideas.

Maybe it's your turn to hate me now.

Maybe you are trying to avoid me, which I don't know why.

Or maybe you are showing some temper tantrum or whatever you call it to me.

You know what, I won't be saying I don't care, in fact I do.

I just don't know what to do about it right now.

It seems like the whole thing is not only within my manipulation as it was.

It's not like I can change the whole position right now.

The end.