28/11/09 11:16pm
that's the question i have been asking to myself now.
yesterday, i blogged a lot. i was thinking of go and not to go for clubbing all day long. on the evening, i saw jx still online. so, thinking i can still tell them i will join them. but 7pm, he offline. the time i thought, ya, i wont be going this time alhtough it's really a right time for me to go, due 1) i m home alone, nobody will realise n nag on me if i go home late 2)i m 20, i should go n experience myself at least once, just to discover, what is clubbing. 3)sheauyeong n liching encourage me to go, even sheauyeong, she said she will consider going if she free, never tot she will say that cz she is not that type of person.4) if i m so into US and Germany, either for their country or the particular artist, i gotta adopt n adapt to their lifestyle, n clubbing is the most significance one. 5)mayb i think i will be bored cz of my poor socialize skill n i lazy to socialize, but shirley said she is same as me, only can mix with jiayu n jiaxi, n she is the first timer as well, just like me, hoping to experience ourself.
guess what, at arouund 8pm++, i saw jennyu online. asking him with the thought that they already went there, he said they are going at 9pm. so just chatting a little bit about clubbing later, i go for showering in case i decided to go with them, n finally at around 8.35pm i think, u kno wat, i decided to go. yes, jennyu cant believe it even myself too. he tot i m kdding him. but anyway, yes, i decided to go this time for so many right reason. but they are some transport problem then. thinking can jx car fit 6 n should v be 6 in a car n watsoever, after discussing with jennyu n jx, v got it sorted out. i drive the four wheel drive there. at first, i can tell, jennyu is a person that kind to his fren. he kno i m going, he kno i m not the type tat wana go clubbing, he kno who n how i m, he kno what's my position when i decided to go but got transport problem, he just understand me so well, when i tell him what me n jx think after thinking tat 6 youngster not gud to be in a car midnite, he said:' tell jx, don't worry, just fetch 6 of us to KK and i will change to the other car(whichever call that are going)'
it's nothing for him though, i was so overwhelm when he said that. i realise how he treat his fren, i realise how lucky i m tat i can hv such fren. but anyway, if he change to other car, how about jiayu that be in jx car n with the thought tat jennyu n be together with her in jx car. all that happen just because i said i wana go at the last minute. jennyu just keep on assruing me with 'dont worry, just hv fun'.man! thanks a lot, jennyu.
jx n i kno that i m the one who should change to the other car cz kitwan dont kno them well, bibian(jiayu kitwan UMS fren) dont even kno them n summore i tell them only at the last minute. during discussion, v thought of how about jiayu if jennyu change car, but jx did not say i should change the car, but i kno i m the most suitable wan. so finally, i offer that i drive the four wheel drive there. jx ask me to better inform jennyu about this to avoid he 'scold' me. ok, i inform jennyu.
but when i reach jennyu house, he ask me to get into jx car.huh?i tot i m driving to KL...but jennyu insist on that(of course i din tell the real reason i m driving), so finally got on jx car. when jiayu was told that jennyu changing car, i felt guilty. really. but fortunately, i dunno whether did she kno jennyu wana change car, one of the reason is cz of me, she is fine with it. she said it's ok cz jennyu havent meet them after get back from aussie, jennyu would like to chat with them. mayb jiayu kno i m causing jennyu to change car, but she said nothing, she din even say a single word about me n put the blame on me or jiayu kno i would not like to change car cz i m not really close with them compared to jennyu(probably she din think of these though) but either way, gotta thanks jiayu here oso.
finally, jiaxi driving all us there by following qing yao's car. ya, hv to mention, among few of us, jx is the one who always be the driver n picking up n sending everyone home n din even complain anything.
this time, i just feel i m so lucky. in just a short while, i can see how my fren can understand me n tolerate with all these. thank a lot jx, jennyu jiayu.
all these while, i hv not been thought that i m so lucky like what i feel right now.
finally, after a 'whole tour' of KL, we reach the club. the name of the club is 'popitt'/ 'pompitt' i think. (found out, it's 'poppy'. and the whisky we drank- 'chivas')not really sure. get inside, wow, that's first time i get into club. those who r experienced settle where v the bill n where we sit, i m just along the ride. i tot i won't get drunk n i will get bored. but man!when the drinks come, i strted to mix up with them. at first i was just chitchatting with shirley jiasen bibian....but later, i drink more n more, probably they are forcing everyone to drink te whisky straight away, about 12am ++, it's time for me to feel sleepy normally, but this time, i can feel not only sleepy, a little bit dizzy. mayb sleepy is the cause at the first place, but anyway, i think i m going to b drunk soon (i think i mt the fastest who got down,haha, but acc to shirley, i din look like drunk even till today she said tat)i can feel tat i got no energy to stand, i m little bit within my control but when i start to speak, the words coming out from the mouth got a little different in my mind. man..finally i understand all these drunk condition.i was a little worried that time cz i assure jx that i wont get drunk cz i m so sure, so i can still drive in case he get drunk. n it's first time to feel dizzy cause of alcohol like tat, i afraid i will tell some secret that i hv been keeping for so long. jennyu ask me to take some ice. later, i start seeing everyone getting high one by one, they starting to take ice n lemon, according to kinleong, taking non alcohol can at least reduce the alcohol effect. so i just did what they did.
(ya,what a coincidence, i met with a primary skol fren there. he called me at the first place. so suprise that i can meet him there, though v r fren in fb)
as time goes by, everyone getting higher n higher. they start dancing, tossing, n keep on forcing ppl to drink...haha..even myself...v dance...especially them...haha, i can tell that all those moement is under alcohol infuence cz normally they wont do that. haha, funny, qingyao drag me n hold my hand up n dance..haha..n when they force me to drink when i started to get drunk, i refuse by telling them i gotta drive later, but cheesiang told me no worry, v will yumcha later to let us awake from the infuece of alcohol.i forced by them to drink the whisky straight away about three times=10 minutes ++ i think. some even more.
at the mean while,some couldnt take that anymore. apparently, after u drink, dun try to sit, go move n dance as u like so u wont 'suffer'. so what i can see, some was dancing n some was resting and some even puke. cheehong vomit a lot. jiaxi did vomit. that's ppl who down at the very start.at the end, jiasen n jennyu sat doen after dancing, they felt very suffer that time. trying to vomit, trying to make themself feel better...
later, i stop feeling dizzy but when i walk, i can feel that i couldnt walk straight. as a conclusion, everyone just rest, dance , rest , dance...ya, some of them smoking.later i saw few of us went to the dancefloor.
the club close at 3am. v rest a while inside the club then when got chased out, v waiting outside the club while waiting some of them to pick up their car. i can see jennyu n jiasen still very uncomfortable. one more, cheehong. he said duno y this time he just cant take it. so i told him i was home alone and it's fine for me if he wana sleep in my hse. so finally, v decided that i drive his car to my house and he just sleep with me.
before get back my house, v went to KK. by the time i pick up cheehong car with him, other was left. usually this is their practice after clubbing. get to a shop to grab a bite, mayb it's to help in the heatlh sense. probably reduce the burden of our organ. when i n cheehonng reach KK, jennyu jiayu kitwan bibian and cheesiang was not there. apparently, jennyu is so unokay till he gotta go home. so kitwan drive jx car to his house. without waiting them to get back, those in KK again decided go to not second but third round-jennyu house.
but shirley kinleong n shengeu go home tat time.
cheehong said just follow them n if they wana stop by in jennyu house a while, he will follow. so i drive him there as well. yes, jennyu home alone too. haha.tats y we went there. boy continue chatting in living room,some went showering, haha, this is first time that i can discover what their topic like, cheehong slept, since i was sleepy n just listening to them without talking, i slept, just for a while. then i went upstair to chat with girls. then i got down again.i wanted to ask cheehong to go to my hse so tat he can even myself can sleep , at least in a proper way n on bed. but since he was sleeping, i just let him be cz duno how to wake him up. finally at 6am ++, they decided to go their own way, means go home. n, sleep.
after got back home, cheehong just sleep straight away after he change her pants. i went to brush my teeth n wash my face n gosh...i saw some blood when i gargle. finally i discover my tongue was bleeding. n my whole mouth makes me feel pain. probably is due to that i ate too much ice and it's too cold for the mouth n tongue to take it, so it hurts my mouth. it is still hurt until now.
it's raining at the time v wana sleep. when i got on bed, i tot he slept. suddenly he said wat take me so long to finish showering. (but i din shower)haha...yes, v slept on my bed in my room.anyway, with his gel-ed hair n unwash face n mouth, v slept. at 10.48am ++ i woke up a while n n awake for a while while all the time i slept. i realise that it's like i m taking the whole bed n he's forced to corner n cannot move by me. pai seh pai seh.until 1pm++ the next day, i gotta wake up cz originlally i gotta work in lin yi lian concert with seok fang n laitoong at 3pm. so i hv to wake up now cz i havent fold the shirt that was already dry since morning, n i gotta wash the cups, boil the water, mop, sweep....
leaving chee hong alone on the bed, i get up n do all this house work with the intention that finish it so that i can get to the concert on time. but who knows, in the middle of the process of doing hsework, i check my sms n found out the job cancel due to the agency quarel with the organizer=.= i should hv seen this earlier so that i would not hv to wake up so early(it's already afternoon though)what to do, i m already in the half way. so thinking gotta finsh it n in case after that cheehong hasnt wake up, i gotta ask him do him want me to cook something for him as i plan to cook some mee as 'brunch'. n he can continue sleeping until i finish with the cook.
so when i m mopping my living room, (almost dome my housework), he woke up n came down without his shirt.=.= later, while im m done with the mopping of my kitchen n housework, he ask me for towel. so he wanna bathe. he said probably everyone still sleeping cz no one pick up the phone.while he bathe, he got few call in his cell phone. ya, i din pick up on behalf of him.later he told me that kitwan called n told him they r going sunway n he ask me if i wana go. he said v can go pak tor there n i reply there is so many ppl how to pak tor n he say can de..=.= anyway, i decided not to go sunway with them. ya, probably spend too much money for clubbing.
so he send me to jennyu house to collect my car. luckily it was not stolen.on the way, he asked me if i wana grab a bite but i tot they wana eat in sunway. then he said yesterday already spend a lot, gotta save some today.haha, i see there's actually somebody ha a same tot with me.then without deciding whther wana eat to together or not, the conversation just end.=.=v saw jennyu n jiayu getting inside the car. i see, jennyu is not going, only sending jiayu there n they said jx woke up not long ago as well, the time is about 2.30pm that time. then i asked cheehong is he the only boy there, he said cheesiang was there waiting for him.i see.so,drive to sunway n meet jiayu n others there after dropped me. i told him dun betray mein sunway.haha.when i got down from his car , he said'good bye darling'.=.=anyway, jennyu said he called me just now, i tot he called just to tell me they r going sunway.he is actually not. he wana ask how i get to his hse to collect my car since he is out there he can give me a drive. he duno cheehong went to my house. before he leave for sunway, he asked me with the weird tone n look' u sleep with cheehong?' i said yes n he give me the weird smiling=.=so lets continue to b funny with him, i tell him n jiayu i n cheehong are couple n yesterday v already....u kno..haha... i tot he kno cheehong went to my hse, ya, now i realise he was not there everytime cheehong answering the question where he gonna sleep yesterday nite.
so that's end for this story. i went to sheauyeong hse to collect my notes n then back home then n continue with my home after buying roti canai back home n watch the tv drama due to i cant get a accompany to hv lunch together after i tried to call so many person, probably it's already about 3.30pm.the time is odd.should hv decide with cheehing tat i eat with him togeher before he get to sunway.
this is the longest blog i ever posted. i took approximately 3 hour to finish this. but anyway, put it in a nutshell, clubbing is not a bad idea for me. i pretty enjoy it. i will definately club again. everyhting happen yesterday nite till today morning, i m still obssessed with it n it's so unbelieveable for me. it's like a ....dream? not sure....ya, anyway, i m trying my best to get over with H and German US actor, n at least for now, mayb i succeed.
so, is it real me from last nite 9pm-today 3.00pm?
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
no name2
27/11/2009 7:32pm
day by day,
i just can't stand it,
why the heck you are so acting in that way,
why the hell you think as if you are among the best,
why the damn freaking creepy thought is so attachs with you?
these are creeping me out,
and could you please,
stop it so it won't
drag other people in,
to your world.
it could be that you did not mean to though,
it is just so disgusting annoying irritating to me.
probably you are outstanding a little bit, but just because of that it doesn't mean you are the best, or among the best.
probably it is the fate that you are borned with these, a little gift from God, but just because of that it doesn't mean that you are so unreachable.
sometimes i think it's better we go our own way, and don't ever try to meet again.
because even now when i think of your act all this while,
i wana puke!!!
day by day,
i just can't stand it,
why the heck you are so acting in that way,
why the hell you think as if you are among the best,
why the damn freaking creepy thought is so attachs with you?
these are creeping me out,
and could you please,
stop it so it won't
drag other people in,
to your world.
it could be that you did not mean to though,
it is just so disgusting annoying irritating to me.
probably you are outstanding a little bit, but just because of that it doesn't mean you are the best, or among the best.
probably it is the fate that you are borned with these, a little gift from God, but just because of that it doesn't mean that you are so unreachable.
sometimes i think it's better we go our own way, and don't ever try to meet again.
because even now when i think of your act all this while,
i wana puke!!!
no name
27/11/09 6:59pm
1 more minute to 7pm.
i don't know how stubborn i am
i don't know how strong i can be
but i want you to know, i can't stop missing you, when you are not belong to me
believe this!
i can't even explain myself now
time passes fast, i appreciate this.
but how fast have me to go to get together with u?
just because i don't hold your step when you go, doesn't mean i don't want to
just because i don't show my feelings, doesn't mean that i don't have
just because i don't say i love you, doesn't mean i don't
just because i m giving everything, for us, doesn't mean i will give up
thus, can you tell, how much i love you?
i can live, because u perfect my imperfect life.
people justifying us non stop if we are together, i know explaination is the only way out.
but one thing i doubt one thing i start wondering
do i even stand a chance to at least explain to them?
a.k.a do i get a chance to be with you?
'when somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe',
could i make all these straight up all these courage to say
i love you, and then you'll be able to stay
with me
baby, everything is out of control, i did not even mean it.
it is simply because , sorry to me,
we did not meant to be.
1 more minute to 7pm.
i don't know how stubborn i am
i don't know how strong i can be
but i want you to know, i can't stop missing you, when you are not belong to me
believe this!
i can't even explain myself now
time passes fast, i appreciate this.
but how fast have me to go to get together with u?
just because i don't hold your step when you go, doesn't mean i don't want to
just because i don't show my feelings, doesn't mean that i don't have
just because i don't say i love you, doesn't mean i don't
just because i m giving everything, for us, doesn't mean i will give up
thus, can you tell, how much i love you?
i can live, because u perfect my imperfect life.
people justifying us non stop if we are together, i know explaination is the only way out.
but one thing i doubt one thing i start wondering
do i even stand a chance to at least explain to them?
a.k.a do i get a chance to be with you?
'when somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe',
could i make all these straight up all these courage to say
i love you, and then you'll be able to stay
with me
baby, everything is out of control, i did not even mean it.
it is simply because , sorry to me,
we did not meant to be.
untitled
27/11/09 2:33am
it's late night...again..
it's fast that time passed...jiayu jiaxi got back last week..v met on thursday on k3k cafe..then jennyu got back from aussie on 23/11....erm..ya..then on 24/11 jx n jennyu's family plus me n jiayu had dinner together, just like wat v did last time few day after jennyu left for aussie...this time, as opposed to last time v went to jx hse for his kuih lapis, v went to jennyu hse..nothing..just chit chat..wif jennyu n jx family... till late night.
thusday till saturday this week..i will b home alone....whole family went to langkawi, since friday is public holiday...i wanted to join them initially..but finally i did not cz dun wan to skip thursday evidence n tort class...haiz...i should hv followed them..
today the first day, but it is still ok. i went to office on the morning, then rush foor classes till 7.45pm reach home. then out for dinner. tot of jx had cancelled the movie cz he did not call me to confirm, but when i just went for dinner he called saying the movie plan is still on. so after they went to mv to try to make any ticket, then plan to move to pavillion or times square n i rush home after dinner n shower then check online for the seat....they decided not to go. then i change my cloth back to normal.then they call me to go out n ask me to change back to outing dress cz they most probably going for club....who knows, finally v went to ajimal cz jiayu cant go home late today...so, jennyu, jiayu, jiaxi n kitwan plus me, went to ajimal...it seems like i purposely change my outfit just for ajimal =.= haha..funny..then since i online just now..i resume it after i reach home till now...
tml they are going for clubbing as well..yes, i wana go though, but mab not with them, i mean the freinds that go together with them....simply becz i really can't mix up with them esp go to club...mayb it's my poor socialize skill...gotta fix it..
ya, i called seok fang jz now. v chat for a while n probably friday will out with her a while using the excuse that i lend my pc for her to online to check her result ^.^...then she ask me about the work for concert...erm..since i got nothing to do on saturday...just go with her...accompany her ba...doesnt matter jiayu jx kitwan going or not...
originally khailang will come to my hse to accompany me tonite n probably overnite..but due to i out with 3+3, erm, just ask him wake me up tml morning n come to my hse...n probably overnite here tml ba after his work^^
ya, that is all my plan on this 3 home alone day...even no all that, planning to study at the first place, but my mum just bought few hot TVB drama n a singapore comedy...haha..i can watch those for this three day as well if i will not be going out on the coming three days...haha
so...honestly...it has been an exhausting day to me...sleepy...but no mood to sleep......probabaly haven't watch the German show. n, to b very frank....just duno y..i m very down...since after i went out with them...erm...mayb it's midnite now n i will start acting emotional...worse when i m listening to music...
down...because i m missing H? probably..i m not sure....
just feel so lonely every mid nite....
i kno it's time for me to get one. but it's all out of my hand. i did want to. but all the surronding circumstnces doesnt seems allow me to do so...
i text H asking about the SPM at the moment i went for dinner. no reply, that's wat i expected.
but anyway, to be true, i miss H. really. besides those Germany n US artist.
if one day i got to Germany or USA with H together, i think it's the best thing ever happen in my life. meeting those artist? gosh!it's just perfect my perfect life.
i m addicted to German n US artist right away ever since i saw them, esp German.and, i m obssessed with H. why? even myself can't believe it!
everyone that really wana kno , listen. it's not my control that i remain single now. just everything doesnt goes right for me as they go.
and H, if u wana kno, i m so obssessed with u right now. i love you. i kno u dunwan to. but i din mean to as well. u hv stolen my heart. missing someone that u did not mean any single thing to the person, it's hurt, it's killing me.
just one thing i doubt, one thing i consider, one thing makes me hesitate, one thing makes me wonder, one thing makes hold my step: will everyone stop justifying my life, as they ever do, if, i turn into a relationship?
i just don't kno.
it's late night...again..
it's fast that time passed...jiayu jiaxi got back last week..v met on thursday on k3k cafe..then jennyu got back from aussie on 23/11....erm..ya..then on 24/11 jx n jennyu's family plus me n jiayu had dinner together, just like wat v did last time few day after jennyu left for aussie...this time, as opposed to last time v went to jx hse for his kuih lapis, v went to jennyu hse..nothing..just chit chat..wif jennyu n jx family... till late night.
thusday till saturday this week..i will b home alone....whole family went to langkawi, since friday is public holiday...i wanted to join them initially..but finally i did not cz dun wan to skip thursday evidence n tort class...haiz...i should hv followed them..
today the first day, but it is still ok. i went to office on the morning, then rush foor classes till 7.45pm reach home. then out for dinner. tot of jx had cancelled the movie cz he did not call me to confirm, but when i just went for dinner he called saying the movie plan is still on. so after they went to mv to try to make any ticket, then plan to move to pavillion or times square n i rush home after dinner n shower then check online for the seat....they decided not to go. then i change my cloth back to normal.then they call me to go out n ask me to change back to outing dress cz they most probably going for club....who knows, finally v went to ajimal cz jiayu cant go home late today...so, jennyu, jiayu, jiaxi n kitwan plus me, went to ajimal...it seems like i purposely change my outfit just for ajimal =.= haha..funny..then since i online just now..i resume it after i reach home till now...
tml they are going for clubbing as well..yes, i wana go though, but mab not with them, i mean the freinds that go together with them....simply becz i really can't mix up with them esp go to club...mayb it's my poor socialize skill...gotta fix it..
ya, i called seok fang jz now. v chat for a while n probably friday will out with her a while using the excuse that i lend my pc for her to online to check her result ^.^...then she ask me about the work for concert...erm..since i got nothing to do on saturday...just go with her...accompany her ba...doesnt matter jiayu jx kitwan going or not...
originally khailang will come to my hse to accompany me tonite n probably overnite..but due to i out with 3+3, erm, just ask him wake me up tml morning n come to my hse...n probably overnite here tml ba after his work^^
ya, that is all my plan on this 3 home alone day...even no all that, planning to study at the first place, but my mum just bought few hot TVB drama n a singapore comedy...haha..i can watch those for this three day as well if i will not be going out on the coming three days...haha
so...honestly...it has been an exhausting day to me...sleepy...but no mood to sleep......probabaly haven't watch the German show. n, to b very frank....just duno y..i m very down...since after i went out with them...erm...mayb it's midnite now n i will start acting emotional...worse when i m listening to music...
down...because i m missing H? probably..i m not sure....
just feel so lonely every mid nite....
i kno it's time for me to get one. but it's all out of my hand. i did want to. but all the surronding circumstnces doesnt seems allow me to do so...
i text H asking about the SPM at the moment i went for dinner. no reply, that's wat i expected.
but anyway, to be true, i miss H. really. besides those Germany n US artist.
if one day i got to Germany or USA with H together, i think it's the best thing ever happen in my life. meeting those artist? gosh!it's just perfect my perfect life.
i m addicted to German n US artist right away ever since i saw them, esp German.and, i m obssessed with H. why? even myself can't believe it!
everyone that really wana kno , listen. it's not my control that i remain single now. just everything doesnt goes right for me as they go.
and H, if u wana kno, i m so obssessed with u right now. i love you. i kno u dunwan to. but i din mean to as well. u hv stolen my heart. missing someone that u did not mean any single thing to the person, it's hurt, it's killing me.
just one thing i doubt, one thing i consider, one thing makes me hesitate, one thing makes me wonder, one thing makes hold my step: will everyone stop justifying my life, as they ever do, if, i turn into a relationship?
i just don't kno.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
18/11
19/11/2009 11:26am
it's not 18/11 though..but it is a day, for SPM student to start their life-turning exam...
this few days really a weird days..i met with so called 'scratch n win' trick on last friday( when i got down from the bus), then met with a a little bit of 'mental disordered' person( when i was waiting for the bus)...
sei yi got back here on last saturday. n today, thursday gotta fetch my kelantan cousin here with her friend for them to hv a nite here=.= i think tonite i m gonna sleep on couch...
monday, finally read the post on ng joe-e blog that talking bad about me=.= she still the same...
anyway, those not the main point...yesterday, H started SPM...i text H around 2.30pm, initally i forgot about waiting the reply..when get on the bus...start thinking about it while nothing to do...
yes, i still did not get H reply on that moment. i tell myself, probably they still having exam cz apparently 18/11 got their BM, BI and Sejarah..but till the bus passed by smkss at around 4.30pm, i saw student walking out from the skol, i knew they just finished the exam..so, i m not so disspointed yet, at least.
when i reach my home, i put my cell phone aside. till 7.50pm when i start going for the tuition center. i saw 2 sms. i was happy at that time, thinking at least could be from H. u fortunately, none.there all all from the skol..
within what my expectation...till today, i got no reply from H.
i accept it n i know what my position are. i m not in the position that wanting a ppl to be with me so badly . i m not that desperate. so, move on without H!
but truth be told, i miss H.......i m lying to myself..
i thought everything is over... that stupid freaking crushing feeling that killing has gone. i thought i m over it....it doesnt matter to those US and German artist, or to H....this feeling start haunting me again....
it's a nightmare...
pray hard for me to get over these. n pray hard for H for the SPM...
it's not 18/11 though..but it is a day, for SPM student to start their life-turning exam...
this few days really a weird days..i met with so called 'scratch n win' trick on last friday( when i got down from the bus), then met with a a little bit of 'mental disordered' person( when i was waiting for the bus)...
sei yi got back here on last saturday. n today, thursday gotta fetch my kelantan cousin here with her friend for them to hv a nite here=.= i think tonite i m gonna sleep on couch...
monday, finally read the post on ng joe-e blog that talking bad about me=.= she still the same...
anyway, those not the main point...yesterday, H started SPM...i text H around 2.30pm, initally i forgot about waiting the reply..when get on the bus...start thinking about it while nothing to do...
yes, i still did not get H reply on that moment. i tell myself, probably they still having exam cz apparently 18/11 got their BM, BI and Sejarah..but till the bus passed by smkss at around 4.30pm, i saw student walking out from the skol, i knew they just finished the exam..so, i m not so disspointed yet, at least.
when i reach my home, i put my cell phone aside. till 7.50pm when i start going for the tuition center. i saw 2 sms. i was happy at that time, thinking at least could be from H. u fortunately, none.there all all from the skol..
within what my expectation...till today, i got no reply from H.
i accept it n i know what my position are. i m not in the position that wanting a ppl to be with me so badly . i m not that desperate. so, move on without H!
but truth be told, i miss H.......i m lying to myself..
i thought everything is over... that stupid freaking crushing feeling that killing has gone. i thought i m over it....it doesnt matter to those US and German artist, or to H....this feeling start haunting me again....
it's a nightmare...
pray hard for me to get over these. n pray hard for H for the SPM...
Monday, November 9, 2009
sunday-monday
9/11/09 12:49am
stirctly speaking, now is monday morning....haha. but i havnt sleep yet..it's still consider sunday t me^^
jx forwarded the person'sms to me at 9.19pm just now.it was saying the person made another report that in future 3 months jx is going to b responsible if anything happen to his car. man! wats tat? its soooooo absurd huh... i was driving that time on the way to dinner. so, i was only able to study the sms througoutly after i got back home from dinner around 10.30pm i think. it so happen that his mum called me.asking me whetehr should she call to the respective police station and ask. then i webcam wif jx. in the middle his mum phoned. i watched that all the way cz v both din switch off the camerz=.= then i got her mum call. haha..she told me she ady asked the police in sarawak n that's a short conclusion that no such report was made to the police. it's fake from the car rental. stupid act...anyway, i told her mayb try to call again n double confirm couple days later..u kno..malaysia's effectiveness is so 'high'...so then after hang up with his um. skype with jx...i think probably everything settle..erm..it showed tat how a mum cares about her children...she worriied that this 'threathening act' will affect jx perforamnce on his exam on wed...anyway...hopefully all can be settled now...haha..though i din help much in this..but i got many lesson from it too...by the way, helping a fren is always wat i will do even it takes me a lot. i duno y..moreover it's 3+3....
so...erm...i din exactly miss H whole day today(sunday)..but those crush on US and Germany actor is just so...can't explain thru words....esp germany...gosh...it's like taking away my life..haha...it's late nite now...Germany probably 6pm++. gosh....i think i can see a lot of update from fb abt them..shit...tell myself not to check but i will just do it....haiz...think of christmas, wood, forest,gosh....really fallen for those German artistT.T
any how, gotta hv a sleep now. monday is here. a brand new week going to start. though nothing much i can expect..but..life'd has to goes on.....
i kno really unsure whether can H cure my crush towards them..i think H can..but problem is..how to get H to cure at the first place...still missing them....Germany..USA...Germany!!!!!
it's has been a loooooooooooooooong day for me...
hopefully everyhting turns well after today...
stirctly speaking, now is monday morning....haha. but i havnt sleep yet..it's still consider sunday t me^^
jx forwarded the person'sms to me at 9.19pm just now.it was saying the person made another report that in future 3 months jx is going to b responsible if anything happen to his car. man! wats tat? its soooooo absurd huh... i was driving that time on the way to dinner. so, i was only able to study the sms througoutly after i got back home from dinner around 10.30pm i think. it so happen that his mum called me.asking me whetehr should she call to the respective police station and ask. then i webcam wif jx. in the middle his mum phoned. i watched that all the way cz v both din switch off the camerz=.= then i got her mum call. haha..she told me she ady asked the police in sarawak n that's a short conclusion that no such report was made to the police. it's fake from the car rental. stupid act...anyway, i told her mayb try to call again n double confirm couple days later..u kno..malaysia's effectiveness is so 'high'...so then after hang up with his um. skype with jx...i think probably everything settle..erm..it showed tat how a mum cares about her children...she worriied that this 'threathening act' will affect jx perforamnce on his exam on wed...anyway...hopefully all can be settled now...haha..though i din help much in this..but i got many lesson from it too...by the way, helping a fren is always wat i will do even it takes me a lot. i duno y..moreover it's 3+3....
so...erm...i din exactly miss H whole day today(sunday)..but those crush on US and Germany actor is just so...can't explain thru words....esp germany...gosh...it's like taking away my life..haha...it's late nite now...Germany probably 6pm++. gosh....i think i can see a lot of update from fb abt them..shit...tell myself not to check but i will just do it....haiz...think of christmas, wood, forest,gosh....really fallen for those German artistT.T
any how, gotta hv a sleep now. monday is here. a brand new week going to start. though nothing much i can expect..but..life'd has to goes on.....
i kno really unsure whether can H cure my crush towards them..i think H can..but problem is..how to get H to cure at the first place...still missing them....Germany..USA...Germany!!!!!
it's has been a loooooooooooooooong day for me...
hopefully everyhting turns well after today...
Sunday, November 8, 2009
down
8/11/09 7:35pm
a few post in one day..=.=
ya..jx called gain n told that he 'lost' in the case infront of police..conclusion..he and his fren will pay for the re-paint of the car which the part was scrathed but not whole bumper...so RM90 divided by 4 i think..but anyway, i still think that there is a chance to argue 50-50 since no one kno who fault is tat. even go to ct, i think the car rantal bare the burden of proof as claimant and i think he cant prove it.anyway, what is over , its over. let it be. take it as a lesson. cheer up man! good luck in ur exam on wednesday!
haiz...i really couldn't fight against that feeling....now that stupic crushing feeling seems more serious and bothering me even more...i wacthed that German show just now and that's the episode showing the church and i remembered i saw some of the 'behind the scene' when they shot in the church on a particular website yesterday. today i tried to look for it again..but nothing's there.weird.mayb look for it again later..but shit..if i do tat, probably the stupid crushing feeling will get worse....
gosh..saw all those picture! they' re damn freaking hecking attractive man.....really hooked by the show..but what a silly move or thing that having crush on artist.......STUPID!
i found out country like USA and Germany, those actor used to take up acting course before becoming an actor. unlike malaysia, this course have never been encouraged by parents. although Germany n other countries eg in Europe their actor wont get such exposure to the world like USA, but they can be pretty popular too due to the convenience of internet nowadays ie the german show i m watching now. the actor can travel around the world and well known just thru the spread of youtube. hmm...having a thought now...mayb when i really hv chance to be in US or Germany...mayb try to take up acting course as well and try to go for casting?(classic way as many actors did that too)then if i able to make it then the dream of meeting those actor i like sooooooo much recently esp the German one will come true!!!hahaha..i think even in UK, if i really able to make it, i can meet up with them too i think due to v r in the same industry..haha...haiz...but these is all dreams............
getting really down....because missing those actors...not sure if i be with H i will turns better..but for now...man!i seriously couldnt take it anymore....ARGHHHHHHHHHH....although keep on mention this is a silly act and i believe they look so good in front camera( show or photo) only because of make up and those editorial work...(cz i saw few picture that probably not as nice as they in the show and i saw the artist used to be a little bit fat last time in the show was not as attractive as now0..so i really srtrongly believe make up and editorial staff did a great job to make them look sooooooo good and attractive in front of camera.....but i just cant control to hook uwith them...even spending all day in front pc and watching their show, after switch off pc and everything goes normal, i will be so down as what i m being now..but i will still play their show and found out their interview, news etc on internet...
shit!!!!!this is really STUPID! 2 things i can do:1) REALLY try to get to USA or Germany or other Europe country-Germany is the best and try to get into casting and better still get into the particular show i m watching now(since i saw one of the interview the actor told that their show will constantly looking for actor thru newspaper or fan(fanpage i think), but it's in Germany...anyway, i will try to find out some way! so, i can meet them!!! or 2) forget them all. pray for the day to dissappearance of this stupid feeling.
it seems 2nd choice is more realistic yet hard to me...but now...once i think of christmas snowing and their face....ARGH!!!really hooked up with them..T.T
Gosh!i dunwan!STOP IT!it's hurt nad killing meT.T T.T T.T
a few post in one day..=.=
ya..jx called gain n told that he 'lost' in the case infront of police..conclusion..he and his fren will pay for the re-paint of the car which the part was scrathed but not whole bumper...so RM90 divided by 4 i think..but anyway, i still think that there is a chance to argue 50-50 since no one kno who fault is tat. even go to ct, i think the car rantal bare the burden of proof as claimant and i think he cant prove it.anyway, what is over , its over. let it be. take it as a lesson. cheer up man! good luck in ur exam on wednesday!
haiz...i really couldn't fight against that feeling....now that stupic crushing feeling seems more serious and bothering me even more...i wacthed that German show just now and that's the episode showing the church and i remembered i saw some of the 'behind the scene' when they shot in the church on a particular website yesterday. today i tried to look for it again..but nothing's there.weird.mayb look for it again later..but shit..if i do tat, probably the stupid crushing feeling will get worse....
gosh..saw all those picture! they' re damn freaking hecking attractive man.....really hooked by the show..but what a silly move or thing that having crush on artist.......STUPID!
i found out country like USA and Germany, those actor used to take up acting course before becoming an actor. unlike malaysia, this course have never been encouraged by parents. although Germany n other countries eg in Europe their actor wont get such exposure to the world like USA, but they can be pretty popular too due to the convenience of internet nowadays ie the german show i m watching now. the actor can travel around the world and well known just thru the spread of youtube. hmm...having a thought now...mayb when i really hv chance to be in US or Germany...mayb try to take up acting course as well and try to go for casting?(classic way as many actors did that too)then if i able to make it then the dream of meeting those actor i like sooooooo much recently esp the German one will come true!!!hahaha..i think even in UK, if i really able to make it, i can meet up with them too i think due to v r in the same industry..haha...haiz...but these is all dreams............
getting really down....because missing those actors...not sure if i be with H i will turns better..but for now...man!i seriously couldnt take it anymore....ARGHHHHHHHHHH....although keep on mention this is a silly act and i believe they look so good in front camera( show or photo) only because of make up and those editorial work...(cz i saw few picture that probably not as nice as they in the show and i saw the artist used to be a little bit fat last time in the show was not as attractive as now0..so i really srtrongly believe make up and editorial staff did a great job to make them look sooooooo good and attractive in front of camera.....but i just cant control to hook uwith them...even spending all day in front pc and watching their show, after switch off pc and everything goes normal, i will be so down as what i m being now..but i will still play their show and found out their interview, news etc on internet...
shit!!!!!this is really STUPID! 2 things i can do:1) REALLY try to get to USA or Germany or other Europe country-Germany is the best and try to get into casting and better still get into the particular show i m watching now(since i saw one of the interview the actor told that their show will constantly looking for actor thru newspaper or fan(fanpage i think), but it's in Germany...anyway, i will try to find out some way! so, i can meet them!!! or 2) forget them all. pray for the day to dissappearance of this stupid feeling.
it seems 2nd choice is more realistic yet hard to me...but now...once i think of christmas snowing and their face....ARGH!!!really hooked up with them..T.T
Gosh!i dunwan!STOP IT!it's hurt nad killing meT.T T.T T.T
sunday afternoon
8/11/09 3:39pm
a lonely sunday afternoon...
mayb yesterday nite was told tat H's 'H' will b with H this whole day...so besides H, can't think of some one i feel like meeting now....so, rather be at home and doing nothing here.
today morning 10.47am was woke up by jx's mum call regarding jx case yesterday...she called twice..hahaa...she told me she worried if jx can speak well in front of police..well, i think tats not a worry for me..he can cope that very well...in the afternoon, jx called n told me the car rental really as what predicted wana him to compensate whole bumper...gosh..it's crazy...so around 2.30pm ++, jx called me telling me he is in the police station n making report...waiting the other party to come...accordingly, the police took the stand that supporting jx..well..if tat's the case..it will b great....i think he will call me soon tell me wat's up or even i will do that if he dont call...anyway..wishing him gud luck...
now...loading the German show on youtube...i know i will miss those artists very much again after watching tat..even now the crushing feeling hasnt gone off yet...anyway....until and unless i was accompanied by H, i will stop watching it or at least stop missing them...gosh..it's killing me and i m suffering cz of that..i can't take it anymore! i dun wan all these...but, holy shit! it's all out of my hand!!!
i kno there is a saying:"love is the force of nature." yes...totally agree...but i just do not have the courage at all to tell H about it...not after what i got after i hinted so many things on msn yesterday......and i juz kno...like what i said..our relationship just won't work..or even can't have a start.......
and, probably love is really blind...i just cant figure it out y i can fallen for H...so deadly...
H,
you know what.?! i miss you soooooooooooo much more than eveything i ever do...
just like what i m missing those USA and Germany artist,esp Germany...but i believe this 'crush on somebody i dun even stand a chance to meet them' will gone off., totally, if i m with you...but i kno being with u just another impossible for me...
here is a fact....you may wanna deny it soooo badly...or even evryone feel like doing so....but not me..i just can't....
i love you.this is the fact.
a lonely sunday afternoon...
mayb yesterday nite was told tat H's 'H' will b with H this whole day...so besides H, can't think of some one i feel like meeting now....so, rather be at home and doing nothing here.
today morning 10.47am was woke up by jx's mum call regarding jx case yesterday...she called twice..hahaa...she told me she worried if jx can speak well in front of police..well, i think tats not a worry for me..he can cope that very well...in the afternoon, jx called n told me the car rental really as what predicted wana him to compensate whole bumper...gosh..it's crazy...so around 2.30pm ++, jx called me telling me he is in the police station n making report...waiting the other party to come...accordingly, the police took the stand that supporting jx..well..if tat's the case..it will b great....i think he will call me soon tell me wat's up or even i will do that if he dont call...anyway..wishing him gud luck...
now...loading the German show on youtube...i know i will miss those artists very much again after watching tat..even now the crushing feeling hasnt gone off yet...anyway....until and unless i was accompanied by H, i will stop watching it or at least stop missing them...gosh..it's killing me and i m suffering cz of that..i can't take it anymore! i dun wan all these...but, holy shit! it's all out of my hand!!!
i kno there is a saying:"love is the force of nature." yes...totally agree...but i just do not have the courage at all to tell H about it...not after what i got after i hinted so many things on msn yesterday......and i juz kno...like what i said..our relationship just won't work..or even can't have a start.......
and, probably love is really blind...i just cant figure it out y i can fallen for H...so deadly...
H,
you know what.?! i miss you soooooooooooo much more than eveything i ever do...
just like what i m missing those USA and Germany artist,esp Germany...but i believe this 'crush on somebody i dun even stand a chance to meet them' will gone off., totally, if i m with you...but i kno being with u just another impossible for me...
here is a fact....you may wanna deny it soooo badly...or even evryone feel like doing so....but not me..i just can't....
i love you.this is the fact.
midnite again
8/11/09 2:19am
again..this is midnite...
anyway, not a great nite for me...today..a harsh day...
just hang up jx's call. yes...just at the moment i decided to have a nap(probably it's sleep cz it's ady 12.20am) while waiting my pc to download those song...jx called. ya...he called saying he's facing problem/confusion/dillema....cz he rented a car but innocently told by the car rental that he cause a scare on the car which is vry vry, even not obvious at al...either way...i gotta help him with my limited knowledge..he called mayb due to i m a law student, or probably i met a car accident last time n i had similar experience...anyway, most imoportant...as a friend...especially 3+3..have to try my best to help him out.on the phone with him about 35minutes, then i asked wai hong(my classmate) for help. he's kind, although i m asking help from him, but he is the one who call me..so pai seh..then he asked some fren's that being together with him at that moment for some opinion as well. then, i called back jx n on phone about 19minutes i think...anyway, hopefully i did help out at least a little bit....jx felt sorry for calling me in the middle of night and interrupt my sleep, and wai hong felt sorry for giving me useless answer(tat's what he thought)..anyway, nope..waihong did help a lot..i owe him this time..but he is the one who said if i owe him this time then he owed me many times before this...i dun think so..anyway, frenz...gald to have him to be one of my college frenz....for jx..man! dun feel so awkward for doing this....i will only be angry if u dun call me this time because of this! gotta sleep later..probably not cz of that case, i m already in sweet dream..but it's ok, i m fine with it...weird?that's y my mum always scolded me cz she think i m tooooooo kind and generous to friend even compared to family...anyway, this is who i m and i had no explaination abt that..frenz..especially important fren...for jx even 3+3..i will always take it as my close family member...frens are to appreciated when u r having them...^^
second thing, i msn wif H...told H probably go to H house tomolo...was told H's 'H' was there..i think since yesterday...n the 'H' will only left on monday morning when 'H' father fetch 'H' to school...ya...its already normal being for them to spend nites together....n i think 'H's already so close with H's family..msn wif H, hint something to H and finally got to know even sure that our relationship are not going to work....not even have a chance to have a relationship...the 'happy' feeling that last for approximately one week since that day i bring H to astro gotta stop here...i hv to pull myslef out of this..sweet dream to me though...it's still only a dream...
tml...i think can't meet H since the 'H' is over there..
last but not least....oh man!i can't take it anymore..the 'crushing' feeling on thse USA and Germany actors are really killing me...esp Germany...this feeling had faded away and is fading eventuallyand i tot i m going to over it but shit! unfortunately today all these came out again....really have totally no clue what to do with these....having a crush on somebody(more than one, n what funny is, they're artists=.=) that i din even stand a chance to meet them is just soooooooo getting me out of my mind....gotta be some way for me to out with it....plz..God..help me out...i dont ever want to get into all these again! dun get me involve, deeper for now...plz..i beg...sincerely...what can i do................
a day that three significance thing happen to me back to back....gotta take a deep breath....lew cho kang! move on! no more H! no more artist no matter USA or Germany!!!it's silly to have those stupid feeling bothering u!!! it's over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope one day i can scream all these out loud...at least this is what i tot for now....
again..this is midnite...
anyway, not a great nite for me...today..a harsh day...
just hang up jx's call. yes...just at the moment i decided to have a nap(probably it's sleep cz it's ady 12.20am) while waiting my pc to download those song...jx called. ya...he called saying he's facing problem/confusion/dillema....cz he rented a car but innocently told by the car rental that he cause a scare on the car which is vry vry, even not obvious at al...either way...i gotta help him with my limited knowledge..he called mayb due to i m a law student, or probably i met a car accident last time n i had similar experience...anyway, most imoportant...as a friend...especially 3+3..have to try my best to help him out.on the phone with him about 35minutes, then i asked wai hong(my classmate) for help. he's kind, although i m asking help from him, but he is the one who call me..so pai seh..then he asked some fren's that being together with him at that moment for some opinion as well. then, i called back jx n on phone about 19minutes i think...anyway, hopefully i did help out at least a little bit....jx felt sorry for calling me in the middle of night and interrupt my sleep, and wai hong felt sorry for giving me useless answer(tat's what he thought)..anyway, nope..waihong did help a lot..i owe him this time..but he is the one who said if i owe him this time then he owed me many times before this...i dun think so..anyway, frenz...gald to have him to be one of my college frenz....for jx..man! dun feel so awkward for doing this....i will only be angry if u dun call me this time because of this! gotta sleep later..probably not cz of that case, i m already in sweet dream..but it's ok, i m fine with it...weird?that's y my mum always scolded me cz she think i m tooooooo kind and generous to friend even compared to family...anyway, this is who i m and i had no explaination abt that..frenz..especially important fren...for jx even 3+3..i will always take it as my close family member...frens are to appreciated when u r having them...^^
second thing, i msn wif H...told H probably go to H house tomolo...was told H's 'H' was there..i think since yesterday...n the 'H' will only left on monday morning when 'H' father fetch 'H' to school...ya...its already normal being for them to spend nites together....n i think 'H's already so close with H's family..msn wif H, hint something to H and finally got to know even sure that our relationship are not going to work....not even have a chance to have a relationship...the 'happy' feeling that last for approximately one week since that day i bring H to astro gotta stop here...i hv to pull myslef out of this..sweet dream to me though...it's still only a dream...
tml...i think can't meet H since the 'H' is over there..
last but not least....oh man!i can't take it anymore..the 'crushing' feeling on thse USA and Germany actors are really killing me...esp Germany...this feeling had faded away and is fading eventuallyand i tot i m going to over it but shit! unfortunately today all these came out again....really have totally no clue what to do with these....having a crush on somebody(more than one, n what funny is, they're artists=.=) that i din even stand a chance to meet them is just soooooooo getting me out of my mind....gotta be some way for me to out with it....plz..God..help me out...i dont ever want to get into all these again! dun get me involve, deeper for now...plz..i beg...sincerely...what can i do................
a day that three significance thing happen to me back to back....gotta take a deep breath....lew cho kang! move on! no more H! no more artist no matter USA or Germany!!!it's silly to have those stupid feeling bothering u!!! it's over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope one day i can scream all these out loud...at least this is what i tot for now....
Monday, November 2, 2009
a day
2/11/09 3.09am
it's really midnite...din update this blog since for a while
31/10/09-it's a date that i wouldn't be much satisfy in my life, at least this is what i thought for this moment...finally, i went out with H! and..it's a AAR concert day!!!
on 30/10.friday. i received a miss call from H at 2.01pm. i din realise it until at about 4pm. what should i feel at that time? happy?nervous? excited? H called me man!!!!after a while, i start doubting..it's just a miss call..nothing special.it's probably H pressed the wrong number..anyway, I sms H at around 6pm and ask if something important. well, no reply. maybe in sleep. 6.25pm++, i m driving home from work.Adam c from hitz.fm saying that AAR is in the studio with him and this is the last chance to win the ticket from hitz.fm to get to their concert on 31/10. i called. just trying. ya,i have been thinking to go to the concert all the time(i called on29/10 as well but it's not the right time, natalie ask me to say' i want the ticket' for her favour.), thought i hv no chance to see them in one U, god knos it changed the venue and time due to tyson's knee infection. it gives a new hope. anyway, the only thing i wanted to go just cz H introduced AAR to me. and just hoping by winning the ticket, i had at least an excuse to talk to H.everytime i listen to their song, i will think of H. by the way, i called on 31/10 when i heard it's a last chance. just trying, din expect anything. but in my heart, i was still happy that H called me today( although it's just a miss call and it's probably a mistake as well.),i told God, if i got to win the ticket at this last moment, that's mean i got a chance with H to get into relationship, but i know it's possible, cz the winning chance is sooo small, just like the posibilty with me and H.gosh!who knos, adam picked up the phone!man!then, tyson and his gang spoke to me and asked me to do something crazy to win the ticket!my god!!!unbelieveable...first, cant believe that i got to speak to AAR, second, does it mean i got a chance with H since i won the ticket in this tiny posibility? anyway, AAR asked me look for a toilet, climb up to the car, scream:"I am a golden God' again and again with different speed...ya, i won the ticket to the concert and the 'meet and greet' passes. and adam called to my hp for the detail and ask me to collect the tickets at astro on 31/10 between 10am-12pm. sadly, i din manage to record it down as a memory or a proof since i havnt figure out how my HP's voice recorder suppose to function. how sad is that...T.T
i sms H again, said that if free gv me a call and i hv something important...no reply..i got on MSN and i saw H. i msn with H, yes, start with saying' ask u to call but din call'..what so coincident is, H listening to AAR's song at the moment i saw H on MSN...after a long chat..we stopped. did not get a chance to talk about the concert yet...H said nid to shower. (H told me the next day straight away offline cz went to watch CD before shower, it's takes a long time ady=.=) then i tried to sms H asking about concert...too bad, H cant make it cz gotta get to aunty's open hse and do not dare not going cz H's brother get their anut really pissed off when he when to AAR concert but already promise the aunt at the first place.) my hope gone...
then i have to get somebody to go with me. it's hard because i tot local u student was not free or not in KL while they are not and they are the one who have huge interest on AAR! and shit! i have class on 31/10 morning...
and 1 thing funny is, i tot the meet and greet is happening on 11.30 AM.thus i din ask my fren to collect for me. and i called astro early on 31/10 morning and no one know about the thing=.=..finally, i discovered it's actually 11.30PM..before the 'huge discovery', i decided to pick up the ticket and skip my class after a long consideration while actually i can attend my class and ask my friend to collect it. but all theese it's too late due to the late discovery.
anyway, hv to thanks the late discovery as well. i called H on that morning to ask to go astro together with me since h never been there before. but i din expect that H will follow, i called H as a last resort.(i know H will only go aunty house at noon, H told me, so still available in the morning, called for trying) who knos again...H said yes..(probably i promised that can get home by 12.30pm)..but, we went in astro..but tot many people in q( actually they came for my fm recruitment) so we send our sister to work and finally get back to astro...then, H did not said no when i said go n had my breakfast together( H had a little bit-consider a breakfast already) H said din bring much money and ask me to buy H, sure man! for H..everything i can spend without thinking..i brought H to my house a while, gotta change my shirt...my mum saw H..haha..the same expression..when i ask H if H wana get doen from the car...H said:'dunwan, after ur mum scold me again...'of course did not mean that, just said it in funny way..ya...v had breakfast together at mamak after many times 'drive and round' the same area again and again. ya..v chat a lot...n..funniest thing...i let H to drive the car..inside astro area, finish breakfast n drive to somewhere to buy food for my cousin..it's a long journey, at least for H,a person without licence but father taught about driving auto car. we been thru some difficult narrow road and so on..haha...even H's father did not allow H to drive that far...wow...i took a lot of risk..i think H is the first friend that I allow to drive my car...unbelieveable....i cant believe i allow somebody to drive my car..i mean somebody that not having blood realtionship with me(cz if my relative drive and run into accident, i wont be the one who get blamed; if my fren, i will die deadly..) with H..it's just sooo many thing that i can do that usually its imposible for me.
5.30pm 31/10 i hv to get to bukit jalil according to hitz cruises thru the phone. so, i went to the concert with my cousin finally..after a long waiting...wow...AAR performance are so amazing when live...its really different betwwn listening thru radio and live...it's crazy....it was so overwhelming to me..especially when they play 'move along'...if H was there together with me, i think i will probably cry..well, happy tears...oso, 'it ends tonight'....and when the crowd sing together with them in 'it ends tonight' and 'give u hell',esp 'it ends tonight'..wow..it was awesome...cant just describe it thru words...they started with 'move along' and ended with 'give u hell'...yes, cant deny...my mind is all about H besides AAR...thats why i called H before it really start..but it seems that H dun really wana talk with me at that time, H is the one who started to said' okla' after asking me izit syiok over there..whole conversation within 40 mins..haiz...
anyhow, get to meet AAR soooo close after the concert...mayb many ppl won 'meet and greet' as well..so they hv to be fast...i only got to see mike, a little bit of tyson, but not chris and nick cz i couldnt even take my camera out and shake my hand or talk with them..the crews ask us to take photo and that's it..haiz...so, get to meet the real perosn of AAR soooooooooooo close, just in front of you, but cant hv the chance to talk, shake hand or film the whole process....(probably i m standing as second last and since the radio winner only 8 attended, and they want to get all settle sooo fast, i din hv all those chances, but the person in front of me did, at least shake hand and speak to mike..)if i could, i will ask tyson or anyone of them if they still remember that i m the one who called yesterday and they ask me to climb up to the car....haha...
anyway..till today..i m still all H in my mind and so happy all the time..i really duno the reason of being so happy....probably i din see H for long time n din expect to get out with H yesterday...probably for H is nothing..but for me...i duno...its just happy, not for nothing, for reason, n i think the reason is so obvious..
recently found out, i will still miss and in love with the US and German actor sooooooooo much esp German, but it maybe, and high posibility, it will be fading away when if i get along with H...
it's silly me...cz i clearly kno..h ady in relationship and....ya, v r impossible..i jz kno...
i just met H half day, but dunno how many days i can be happy for it...how incredible is the power of love?
between AAR and H, who will i choose? sure H......cz i kno and like them only because of H....
31/10..i will call it a day...a real day for all these moment that i hv been so down for everyday...
it's really midnite...din update this blog since for a while
31/10/09-it's a date that i wouldn't be much satisfy in my life, at least this is what i thought for this moment...finally, i went out with H! and..it's a AAR concert day!!!
on 30/10.friday. i received a miss call from H at 2.01pm. i din realise it until at about 4pm. what should i feel at that time? happy?nervous? excited? H called me man!!!!after a while, i start doubting..it's just a miss call..nothing special.it's probably H pressed the wrong number..anyway, I sms H at around 6pm and ask if something important. well, no reply. maybe in sleep. 6.25pm++, i m driving home from work.Adam c from hitz.fm saying that AAR is in the studio with him and this is the last chance to win the ticket from hitz.fm to get to their concert on 31/10. i called. just trying. ya,i have been thinking to go to the concert all the time(i called on29/10 as well but it's not the right time, natalie ask me to say' i want the ticket' for her favour.), thought i hv no chance to see them in one U, god knos it changed the venue and time due to tyson's knee infection. it gives a new hope. anyway, the only thing i wanted to go just cz H introduced AAR to me. and just hoping by winning the ticket, i had at least an excuse to talk to H.everytime i listen to their song, i will think of H. by the way, i called on 31/10 when i heard it's a last chance. just trying, din expect anything. but in my heart, i was still happy that H called me today( although it's just a miss call and it's probably a mistake as well.),i told God, if i got to win the ticket at this last moment, that's mean i got a chance with H to get into relationship, but i know it's possible, cz the winning chance is sooo small, just like the posibilty with me and H.gosh!who knos, adam picked up the phone!man!then, tyson and his gang spoke to me and asked me to do something crazy to win the ticket!my god!!!unbelieveable...first, cant believe that i got to speak to AAR, second, does it mean i got a chance with H since i won the ticket in this tiny posibility? anyway, AAR asked me look for a toilet, climb up to the car, scream:"I am a golden God' again and again with different speed...ya, i won the ticket to the concert and the 'meet and greet' passes. and adam called to my hp for the detail and ask me to collect the tickets at astro on 31/10 between 10am-12pm. sadly, i din manage to record it down as a memory or a proof since i havnt figure out how my HP's voice recorder suppose to function. how sad is that...T.T
i sms H again, said that if free gv me a call and i hv something important...no reply..i got on MSN and i saw H. i msn with H, yes, start with saying' ask u to call but din call'..what so coincident is, H listening to AAR's song at the moment i saw H on MSN...after a long chat..we stopped. did not get a chance to talk about the concert yet...H said nid to shower. (H told me the next day straight away offline cz went to watch CD before shower, it's takes a long time ady=.=) then i tried to sms H asking about concert...too bad, H cant make it cz gotta get to aunty's open hse and do not dare not going cz H's brother get their anut really pissed off when he when to AAR concert but already promise the aunt at the first place.) my hope gone...
then i have to get somebody to go with me. it's hard because i tot local u student was not free or not in KL while they are not and they are the one who have huge interest on AAR! and shit! i have class on 31/10 morning...
and 1 thing funny is, i tot the meet and greet is happening on 11.30 AM.thus i din ask my fren to collect for me. and i called astro early on 31/10 morning and no one know about the thing=.=..finally, i discovered it's actually 11.30PM..before the 'huge discovery', i decided to pick up the ticket and skip my class after a long consideration while actually i can attend my class and ask my friend to collect it. but all theese it's too late due to the late discovery.
anyway, hv to thanks the late discovery as well. i called H on that morning to ask to go astro together with me since h never been there before. but i din expect that H will follow, i called H as a last resort.(i know H will only go aunty house at noon, H told me, so still available in the morning, called for trying) who knos again...H said yes..(probably i promised that can get home by 12.30pm)..but, we went in astro..but tot many people in q( actually they came for my fm recruitment) so we send our sister to work and finally get back to astro...then, H did not said no when i said go n had my breakfast together( H had a little bit-consider a breakfast already) H said din bring much money and ask me to buy H, sure man! for H..everything i can spend without thinking..i brought H to my house a while, gotta change my shirt...my mum saw H..haha..the same expression..when i ask H if H wana get doen from the car...H said:'dunwan, after ur mum scold me again...'of course did not mean that, just said it in funny way..ya...v had breakfast together at mamak after many times 'drive and round' the same area again and again. ya..v chat a lot...n..funniest thing...i let H to drive the car..inside astro area, finish breakfast n drive to somewhere to buy food for my cousin..it's a long journey, at least for H,a person without licence but father taught about driving auto car. we been thru some difficult narrow road and so on..haha...even H's father did not allow H to drive that far...wow...i took a lot of risk..i think H is the first friend that I allow to drive my car...unbelieveable....i cant believe i allow somebody to drive my car..i mean somebody that not having blood realtionship with me(cz if my relative drive and run into accident, i wont be the one who get blamed; if my fren, i will die deadly..) with H..it's just sooo many thing that i can do that usually its imposible for me.
5.30pm 31/10 i hv to get to bukit jalil according to hitz cruises thru the phone. so, i went to the concert with my cousin finally..after a long waiting...wow...AAR performance are so amazing when live...its really different betwwn listening thru radio and live...it's crazy....it was so overwhelming to me..especially when they play 'move along'...if H was there together with me, i think i will probably cry..well, happy tears...oso, 'it ends tonight'....and when the crowd sing together with them in 'it ends tonight' and 'give u hell',esp 'it ends tonight'..wow..it was awesome...cant just describe it thru words...they started with 'move along' and ended with 'give u hell'...yes, cant deny...my mind is all about H besides AAR...thats why i called H before it really start..but it seems that H dun really wana talk with me at that time, H is the one who started to said' okla' after asking me izit syiok over there..whole conversation within 40 mins..haiz...
anyhow, get to meet AAR soooo close after the concert...mayb many ppl won 'meet and greet' as well..so they hv to be fast...i only got to see mike, a little bit of tyson, but not chris and nick cz i couldnt even take my camera out and shake my hand or talk with them..the crews ask us to take photo and that's it..haiz...so, get to meet the real perosn of AAR soooooooooooo close, just in front of you, but cant hv the chance to talk, shake hand or film the whole process....(probably i m standing as second last and since the radio winner only 8 attended, and they want to get all settle sooo fast, i din hv all those chances, but the person in front of me did, at least shake hand and speak to mike..)if i could, i will ask tyson or anyone of them if they still remember that i m the one who called yesterday and they ask me to climb up to the car....haha...
anyway..till today..i m still all H in my mind and so happy all the time..i really duno the reason of being so happy....probably i din see H for long time n din expect to get out with H yesterday...probably for H is nothing..but for me...i duno...its just happy, not for nothing, for reason, n i think the reason is so obvious..
recently found out, i will still miss and in love with the US and German actor sooooooooo much esp German, but it maybe, and high posibility, it will be fading away when if i get along with H...
it's silly me...cz i clearly kno..h ady in relationship and....ya, v r impossible..i jz kno...
i just met H half day, but dunno how many days i can be happy for it...how incredible is the power of love?
between AAR and H, who will i choose? sure H......cz i kno and like them only because of H....
31/10..i will call it a day...a real day for all these moment that i hv been so down for everyday...
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