Wonder

Hey YOU,

If you can read this, (I know you can't and you won't, you don't even know this exist), I just wana ask you, do you ever had one bit of feeling on me? Or, are you having at least a little bit now?

The only company revision lecture today, I came late and you were later than me. Probably it just so happens that there're no more seats in the lower part where we usually sit, that's why I and another French friends went up there and I thought you will never come for this early class as always. But you came, after me,and so happened you came to where we sat. Yeah, maybe it's just coincidence for you to get up there, or you saw the French friends and you went up and definitely not because of me. (Alright, be positive, maybe there are possibility you came up because of em too XD)
I know you can't get the lecture handout although you go down there, it's not at the place you thought it is. I almost can't find it too earlier. I never bother, one reqason sis because the lecture started and also, I don't know what and how to react. As usual, everything happens for me in front of you, I just don't know what to do.

After class, I did not even turn back to say bye or what, this has been going on ever since we started not talking to each other. I am not even sure it's a good thing or not. Me and you, just take it as if like we never met each other and me and you do not even exist. I know some people told me you just wonder why do not I talk to you, you are totally OKAY to talk to me after the incident and I'm the one who terminate our 'friendship' first.
Maybe you realy did wonder, yeah, unfortunately, I can't tell you the truth, I pretend like, yeah, I mad at you, that's it.
Don't ever wonder the real reason behind, you wouldn't wana know, I bet.

When I was walking to another building with a bunch, I just bump into you talking on the phone, alone. Seriously, I really have no idea should I appproach you or just pretend that I did not see you.
And you, maybe, you just turn back and have no idea what to react too when you saw me. I felt that.
At last, we just pretend not seeing each other.
I saw you still on the phone before I enter the building.
I wonder, did you feel as awkward as I am?

Well, I really don't know what to do about you. Every time I come to deal with the things to do with you, I really panic. Should I say, how can I salvage this? But if I do, maybe it will hurts me more. Talking to you as a friend, even the best friend, is not what I want, what I yearn for what I fantasize about.
Not talking to you every time I see you and pretend that I'm so cool with losing you as 'friends' (that's what you think) end me up with missing you and feel like seeing you every time I got back to room from class.

I wonder what did you think just now when you bumped into me. Although you felt as awkward as I did, should I be happy for it or what? Or maybe it's just what I thought that's what you felt but it's actually not true?
I don't know, and I got no one to talk to about this.
That's why, I came to library and update the post immediately after that.

Yeah, I wana turn aorund and look at you everytime you leave, but some time I just too afraid to.

There's saying, when there're two persons, when you leave, if he/she is into you, then he/she will turn around and look at you once again, at least for a second.
Did you?