第二次在外国自己过新年了。
刚从Lincoln's Inn Residential Weekend 回来，听了很多很多跟我未来要怎么走有关的话。
有好的，也有不好的。
其实有时真的很矛盾，不知道是自卑，还是接受现实。时间越久，遇到的人越多，就好像越发觉自己要在这里实习是几乎不可能。就算有可能，也得等到好几年后，因为，我落后他们太多太多了。
得适应他们的生活，他们的想法，还有他们的系统。有时候有一些还是发现的不够早。
其实很多国际学生根本就不用好像我那样烦恼那么多，他们从一开始就是想衣锦还乡，根本不喜欢留在一个不属于自己的国家。
而我，却就是那么犯贱。
在这个weekend里，就还想只有我一个国际学生到处努力去融入他们。为的只希望找到一些有用的意见，或者可以建造和打好关系。
就算明知道自己要留下十不可能，就算明知道他们其实也不是那么在乎你，你又不是Oxbridge First Class。
好多大马人都说，在这里遇到很多排挤，歧视。
在weekend,在学校。
我不知道我自己有没有，也许是我接受现实，然后自己努力地去融入，就算不容易。
这里毕竟是他们的地方，他们有权利完全不理会你，敷衍你已经不错了。
我朋友说我好傻，到处去问，他们又不会真心理睬你，也帮不到你，自己却好像一个傻傻没有能力的小鱼在河里到处钻，希望有人可以把自己带到去海洋。
两年来一直厚着脸皮去参加大大小小外国学生根本无心理睬甚至退避三舍的活动和比赛。很多时候，自己是出现的唯一亚洲人，自己一个人，本地人根本就没有把你放在眼里，自己又傻傻尽量地去主动，就算多难堪，多尴尬。
有时我也觉得自己很白痴，明知道有很多东西是不可能的，我还是那么地坚持。
朋友问我，到处问人，到处去跟那些洋人沟通，最后真的会得到什么吗。他们最多也不是随便敷衍你。举办的讲座，大多数也是对他们自己的人比较实用，对一般外国学生根本就是浪费时间，又或者，他们根本就还有很多外国学生的疑问是本有办法也没有能力甚至没有这方面的知识去解决的。
甚至在里头，有些有经验的人开门见山直接了当的告诉我，放弃吧，没有可能的。
甚至在里头，发现自己的CV，Legal experience, 还有很多很多，根本就不够根本地人比，毕竟他们在这里长大，提早知道很多，做事也很放便。
我很累，很想就好像别人说的接受事实然后放弃，可是那口气就是吞不下去。我要留下，真的有那么难吗？
我有往好的方面想，不停告诉自己要努力，虽然可能需要更多的时间 。就算再多人说不可能，就算被再多人取笑，还是后者脸皮到处问人找机会。
可是有时停下来，还是会一直在怀疑自己，这个险，值得冒吗。
我不知道我自己还可以坚持多久，我也不知道自己会不会真的就这样放弃。
我不懂。
龙年大年初一，下个星期第一个考试。
刘祖康，加油吧！船到桥头自然直的。
1.When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.
2. If you can dream it, you can do it.
3.I do it because i can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.
4. Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
5. I am Thankful :
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.
FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
我相信，人善天不欺。
凡是想好的，做好的。
我要相信自己，相信奇迹。
我是可以的。
农历新年快乐！！！
No comments:
Post a Comment