STRESS

Evening about 9pm++ UK time, on MSN, I saw the little brother of mine in Malaysia online.

He send me message instantly. Yeah, I can feel he is about to talk to me when I see his online notification pop up on my screen. LOL.

He asked me to check my Facebook's email. "read and need help" "damn long message I sent you", that the words he used. I said I was busy at that time and I read it a while ago, yeap, it was really long, for him to send me a message like this, maybe he is seriously down, or bored. LOL.

It was a reply since he Skype me for the third time and told me he is not studying now and I asked him about more detail about his life. He took this long to reply, well, he said he never check Facebook email constantly.

He was telling me about his current life, not complaining, not ranting, sounds very much like regretting.

He was stressed, lost, I can tell. So am I.

At least he willing to type that long message, it is probably sounds he is getting a little bit serious.

And, maybe he is really in trouble right now, as he will only get to me when he i really in deep shit and as he said, swanked and bragged, 'true friends are only needed when there's trouble'. Well, to certain extend this is true but he did it maybe a little bit too literally perhaps. LOL.

I turned into a serious face(although I was already serious and wasn't smiling in the first place) after I read his message, thinking a way to advise or to help him.

Ever since I came here, I grew up, or maybe, growing up.

I learnt, I knew, I realized, literally, things weren't that easy, that straight forward.

I endured, I hang in right there, I moved along.

The exam stress now has been torturing me since 2 or 3 weeks ago.

I have never in my life for once start my exam revision this early like this year, which is about 1 month in advance.

This year is different, really different.

Went to library all day for past few days, midnight sitting in front of PC as well as a little bit of STUDYing, alone in the room, stressing about exam, fighting sleep, panic over exam 1 weeks+ before exam. This is not a life that I have ever imagined before in past few years.

IELTS, Visa(Oh yeah, I received the email on Thursday saying the University's Registry office willing to amend my CAS letter's date for me=D, maybe that's a sign indication or whatever you call it for me to my life is turning better now, who knows =D), BPTC admission, Inns of Courts, my future plan, my American dream...

There're so much to worry about. Forget about nonsense dream, IELTS is the crucial essential important the key to the rest of my plan. I can't afford to screw it.

God bless I can get through it.

Well, what have done is done, I can do nothing about it right now.

Finger crossed for everything to go in the way I want. At least won't turn out to be a huge obstacle.

Maybe I've just gotta use the favorite quote from my 'hubby' Michael Yang -'Don't worry' and hoping the law of attraction works when I really need it by believing. By the way, the lyrics in the song 'When You Believe' by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston is truly meaningful and that's exactly what I need right now.

Stress, I know I can handle it just like how I deal with my relatively suckz life.

I can't wait exam to be over.

Oh yes by the way, in regards of the love relationship, you know, L.O.V.E, teenager's biggest vexation, as a matter of fact, I got no time for you, even I am a little bit confused right now.

I will deal with you soon after I am ready for it. Or, when there's tell tale sign telling me it's the right time and there's right person. But what I gotta say now is, celebrity crush is really damn stupid which unfortunately happens to me all the time. American Idol, German Soap Opera etc =.=

Speaking of which, YOU, I have really ran out of ideas about how to deal with you. As I said, I am confused with these (love like admire or merely a naive ignorant stupid celebrity crush) and as well as what you really want after what we have been through. If we really are, you know, the one, destined together, which is somehow I don't think it's possible or virtually true but no harm looking forward or anticipating it even imagine or believing it. If we really are, I know, I believe, we will get there, together, IN TIME.

Oh yeah my little younger brother who lost in his way in the middle of no where, hang in right there. Talk to me if anything, you know I will treat you better than you could ever imagine. (I know you will just reach me when you are either bored, or no one bothered, or in some serious matter) I got no time to reply you now but I will do it soon and yeah, EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE. No worries.